Follow the Orange Brick Road
by ucsbdad
Summary: Once upon a time, Rick and Kate visited a magical alternate universe...not willingly, of course. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

Follow the Orange Brick Road

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.

 **Chapter One.**

"I'll get it." Rick called to his wife and their friend as he went to answer the knock on the door to their loft.

He opened the door only to have a bleeding Kate Beckett collapse into his arms. "Hi, Castle…" She mumbled.

"Kate!" He screamed, not sure if he was talking to the woman passed out in his arms, or his wife. "There's another Kate Beckett here and she's wounded."

His wife came running down the stairs with their guest, Simone Renoir, right behind her. "Oh, my god. Put her on the couch. I'll get the first aid kit. Simone, call 911."

"Ye'll be havin' no time for that." A voice from the doorway said.

They all turned to look. There stood a man, all of four feet tall, dressed from head to toe in green, leaning on a gnarled stick, with a pipe in his mouth. His face was quite familiar, however.

"Ryan?" Castle gasped. "Kevin Ryan? What happened to you?"

"Nothin' happened ta me, ye oversized oaf. An' you'll be pleased ta call me by me name, Declan Niall O'Ryan, or Oi'll be introducing' ye to me shillelagh." He waved the thick stick at Castle.

"Ryan, O'Ryan or whoever you are, we don't have time for this." Kate shouted. "This woman has been shot in the stomach and is bleeding. We need…"

O'Ryan slammed the door and locked it. "We need to go, right now afore the banshees gets here."

"Banshees? What the hell are you…?"

Before Kate could finish the sentence, something slammed against the outside of the door, leaving a sizeable dent.

"That door is steel…" Castle began.

"An' them's banshees, ye moron. We needs to leave!"

Another crash from outside left another dent.

"Just a second." Kate yelled, running into the office. She came out seconds later with several hand guns and several boxes of ammunition. A glance at the door told her that the door was almost off its hinges. _What could do that kind of damage to a steel security door?_ She wondered.

"Ever'one grasp yer neighbors' hand. Do it!" The wee Irish fellow screamed.

As they did so, the door was finally smashed in and something from out of a nightmare stood in the doorway. Before they could understand what it was, they were gone.

They found themselves in a forested glade, with a neat carpet of soft, green grass all around and oak trees surrounding them. They could hear birds singing cheerfully in the woods and they saw a deer prance across the far end of the glade.

The little man exhaled. "That were close. Now ta see ta Katie here."

"She needs…." Kate began. Before she could finish the sentence, Katie rose from the grass and hovered in the air with a peaceful look on her face. Kate examined her. "She's not bleeding anymore. It's stopped. How could it stop like that?"

"Wi' magic." O'Ryan said. "How else would ye do that?"

"Magic?" Rick, Kate and Simone said together.

O'Ryan looked about. "An' where is Himself when he's needed, Oi asks." He raised his voice. "Rollo! Where are ye, ye pitiful excuse fer a rug? Din't I tell ye to wait fer me here?"

There was a crashing sound from the far end of the woods and soon a huge bear emerged. However, the bear was dressed in plum colored trousers, a brown leather vest and billed hat with a green feather in it.

"Hullo, Declan. Look! I found a beehive and got some honey." The bear held out a large, colorful handkerchief holding several large honeycombs.

"You wuz supposed ta be waitin' fer me an' the lass! Right here!" Declan screamed.

"Sorry, bro." The bear said.

With the use of the word "bro" Castle suddenly realized who the bear, under the fur on his face, reminded him of. "Javi? Is that you?"

The bear turned around and looked about him, with a puzzled look on his face. "Who?" He finally asked.

"Aren't you named Javi, or Javier?"

The bear shook his massive head. "I'm Rollo."

"What's your last name?"

He looked oddly at Castle and then said slowly and distinctly, "My last name is Bear. "

"If ye don't mind?" Declan said sarcastically, "We needs ta get Katie here some help. Oi stopped the bleeding, but she's lost a lot of blood an' has damage ta her insides. Rollo, push her along like a good feller."

Rollo put his hand on Katie's shoulder and pushed her along, all of four feet off the ground. In minutes they came to, of all things, a yellow brick road.

As they walked, Declan introduced Rick, Kate and Simone to Rollo.

"Wow!" Castle cried, delightedly. "The yellow brick road. This is the yellow brick road."

He turned around to see Declan and Rollo looking at him oddly.

"It's made o' bricks what are colored yeller, so of course it's a yeller brick road, ye ninny." Declan grumped. Rollo just shook his massive head.

"Are we going to Oz?"

"Where?' Declan asked.

"The Emerald City?"

"Why would we go all the bluidy way to Seattle, I'm askin'?"

"We'll just go on the yellow brick road for a bit and then we'll turn on the orange brick road." Rollo said.

Castle sighed and they all went on the yellow brick road. "Will there be Munchkins?" He asked. No one answered him.

They hadn't gone more than a hundred yards when, coming over a slight hill, they heard music and saw the glow of neon lights. There was a small building by the side of the road.

"What's that?" Castle asked, grinning in anticipation.

"Where did you find _him_?' Rollo asked.

"It's a bluidy store." Declan said to Rick. "They sells things to folks."

"What kind of things" Castle would have run ahead to see, but both Kate and Simone had him by the arms.

Arriving at the store, Rick found a small, furry fellow standing behind the counter, dressed in a conservative grey suit. He smiled at Rick.

Rick smiled back. "You're a raccoon."

"How very perceptive of you, sir." The raccoon said politely. "How may we be of service to you?"

"Who….What….Where are you from?" Castle finally managed to get out.

"Raccoon City, of course, sir." The little fellow replied, still very polite.

"And this is….?

"An umbrella store, sir. We sell umbrellas."

"Made by…?" Castle asked, although he knew the answer.

"By the Umbrella Corporation, sir."

"Do we have customers?" Called a voice from the back.

"Yes, ma'am." The raccoon replied.

"And your name is….Rocky?" Castle guessed.

The raccoon sniffed. "George, sir. George T. Raccoon, at your service, sir. Might I interest you in one of our fine umbrellas?"

They were joined by a woman. She was a brunette, about Kate's height, but a bit more slender. She smiled professionally at the visitors. "How may we help you?"

"You're…..?"

"Alice." She replied.

"Of course, you're Alice." Castle said. He turned to Kate and Simone. "See? She's Alice and she works for the Umbrella Corporation out of Raccoon City." He turned back to Alice. "Does this place have any undead monsters running around?"

Alice looked thoughtful. "We have banshees, but they hardly bother anyone any more, and there are the flying monkeys. Oh, we can't forget the Wicked Witch of the West, just down the road. But, no undead, monsters or otherwise."

"We might be able to use an umbrella." Rollo broke in. "It's supposed to rain soon. And I hate to get my fur wet."

"I hear you, brother." George said as he and Rollo bumped fists.

"Do ye have any umbrellas big enough fer the lot of us?" Declan asked.

"I think two of your XXL umbrellas would be best." Alice said.

"Do you take credit cards?" Castle asked.

"Do we take what?" Alice and George asked at once.

Declan pulled out his wallet and carefully counted out gold coins. As they waited for his change, a group of grey skinned men staggered down the road, heading right for them.

"I thought you said there were no undead around here." Castle said angrily.

"Them?" Replied George." Those are miners. The grey is from the mud in the mine and they stagger because, well, because they drink too much alcohol."

"Good day, George, Alice." Said one of the men, who was quite short.

"Good day, Gabby." George said politely, calling each of the seven short men by name: Dummy, Shorty, Smelly, Drippy, Leaky and Fred.

"Were those dwarves?" Castle asked.

George looked askance at Castle. "We prefer to use the term vertically challenged, sir."

"Do they all live with a girl?"

"Really, sir. We don't inquire as to our customers' living arrangements."

"We needs to be goin'." Declan said crossly.

They got back on the yellow brick road and sure enough, ahead was a glowing sign that hung in the air. It read: "Left two lanes exit to the Orange Brick Road."

Castle looked around and couldn't see any other traffic of any sort and no sign of any lanes. He thought about asking Declan or Rollo about it, but decided to say nothing. Sure enough, as they turned, the bricks slowly changed from yellow to orange and soon they were on the Orange Brick Road.

Up ahead of them they saw a large, brown house of to the side of the road. As they got closer, Castle smelled a familiar aroma.

"Is that gingerbread?"

"Of course." Rollo replied.

"We're going to a gingerbread house? Fantastic."

"Some people are easily pleased, I suppose." Rollo said.

The house was all gingerbread with multicolored candy decorations of all sorts on it. The windows were thin marzipan that let in light, but were otherwise opaque. Castle reached out to take piece of chocolate from beside the door.

Rollo slapped his hand away. "Don't do that. How would you like someone eating your home?"

Castle smiled and thought of his loft. "I don't think anyone would eat my home."

Rollo just smiled, showing his huge, sharp teeth.

"Point taken." Castle said.

Declan knocked and the door quickly opened. There in the doorway was a familiar looking woman with a very short black dress on with a white apron over it. "Declan!" She said happily. "How good to see you again."

"Top o' the mornin' to ye, Vickie. Oi'm afeered Oi hev a problem here." He pointed to the comatose Katie Beckett, still floating beside Rollo.

"Dear me. Well, bring the poor thing in. What do you need?"

"She's lost a lot of blood." Rollo said. "She needs a refill."

Vickie looked past Rollo at the three humans. "And you have friends, I see."

Rollo turned around. "Where are my manners? Rick, Kate and Simone, this is Vickie, the Wicked Witch of the West."

"The Wicked Witch of the West?" Rick cried. "She'll toss us in an oven and bake us." He started backing towards the door.

"Do nae mind him." Declan said. "He be a bit off in the head."

" _I'm_ off in the head?" Castle cried. "She's the Wicked Witch of the West!"

"Oh, please, dear boy. Don't be cross. That's just something the publicity people thought up. You know, about how my cookies and gingerbread are so good they're bad for you. "The Wicked Witch's cookies are totally BAD". Actually, I magically remove all of the calories from my cookies. Try one." She held out a plate of chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies.

Although frightened, Castle found himself totally unable to resist. He ate one. "Hey, this is really good."

"Sinfully good?" Vickie asked, rubbing her body against his and giving him a good look down the front of her dress.

Kate pulled him away. "And he's mine." She said, glaring at the witch.

"Always worth a try." Vickie said. "Why don't you all sit over there by the fire and have some cookies." Vickie turned to her kitchen. "Let me see….To replace blood magically, I'll need cinnamon, apples, and chocolate, you _always_ need chocolate." She continued talking to herself as she gathered the ingredients from her cupboards.

As she cooked, Castle and the rest sat by the fire. "Hey, this is a gingerbread chair and that's a gingerbread fireplace. How come the chair doesn't collapse…"

"Under the weight of yon enormous body?" Declan said.

"Hey, I'm in good shape."

"Round _is_ a shape." Rollo muttered.

"Oi likes their shapes better." He said, leering at Kate and Simone.

"Like I said, he's mine and I'm his." Kate said with a falsely sweet smile.

"Same here." Simone added. That wasn't true, but she decided it was better than being hit on by a four foot tall horny leprechaun.

Vickie was now mixing her ingredients while singing _Thriller_ followed by _Monster Mash_.

Kate pulled her pistols from under her jacket and handed her Glock 17 to Rick and the Glock 19 to Simone. She kept her .40 caliber S&W that she'd had as a Fed for herself. She split the 9mm ammunition between the two and began loading extra magazines for her own weapon.

"What be those?" Declan asked.

"Pistols." Kate replied.

"What kind of magic do they use?" Rollo asked, leaning over and sniffing them.

"No magic. They use science."

Rollo and Declan exchanged looks. "Science?" Asked the leprechaun. "What's that?"

"A chemical reaction expels a lead slug at great speed from the pistol. When it hits someone, it damages them."

"What won't they think of next?" Rollo said.

Science was then demonstrated by someone outside of the gingerbread house. A burst of submachine gun fire smashed several windows.


	2. Chapter 2

Follow the Orange Brick Road

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.

 **Chapter Two.**

"Oh, bother." Cried Vickie, waving her hands and causing the windows to reassemble. "Can you do something about that, Declan? That noise is disturbing my concentration."

Both Declan and Kate headed for the door and flung it open. Declan shouted something in Irish Gaelic and waved his shillelagh in an odd pattern. As he did so, Kate fired at a man firing a submachine gun at them. Both men fell.

Kate and Declan ran to where they had fallen. Kate's victim had a bullet hole in his throat which had apparently severed his spinal cord. Kate quickly picked up the man's weapon, an H&K MP5 with a suppressor. Kate found two extra clips of ammunition on him as well as another Glock 17 and more ammunition. She looked over at the one Declan had killed to see only a pile of clothing. As she watched, a small white rabbit crawled out from under the clothing and looked around. Declan picked him up. "Now, me little friend, we'll find yez a nice home where ye can lay Easter eggs."

Declan turned to Kate. "So that's yer science, t'is it? Well, me magic is more elegant, Oi'm thinkin'."

"Think what you like." Kate snapped at him.

Before they could say another word, there was a horrible wailing sound coming towards them.

"A banshee!" Cried Declan. "Git behind me."

Declan was surprisingly strong for his size and knocked Kate on her ass. While she struggled to get up, Declan screamed in Gaelic and waved his shillelagh about. That seemed to push the banshee from side to side, but didn't move her back.

Kate managed to get to her feet, and fired a burst around Declan. She thought she had hit the banshee, but aside from a momentary pause in the wailing, nothing happened. As Kate took aim again, Declan pushed her away. "This is nae time fer yer science. That's a banshee, it tis."

Before Kate could fire again, Rollo rushed out to the Orange Brick Road and stood facing the banshee, blocking her line of fire. "Oh, you're a banshee, are you?" He roared. "Well, I'm a bear. Do you want to try some of this, banshee?" Rollo roared again and pounded his chest. "Come on, come at me. Let's see what you have besides a bunch of noise!" He gestured for the banshee to come closer, then laughed as the creature turned and sped away.

"Banshees!" Rollo shouted. "Nothing but noise!" He cocked his hat at a rakish angle and strutted back to the gingerbread house.

"Ye needn't hae bothered. "Declan said. "Oi just about had her beat." The little man said as he went back to the house.

"Thank you." Kate said.

The bear turned, smiled and then bowed. "My pleasure, m'lady. My pleasure."

Once inside and seated at the fire, Kate gave one of the Glocks to Rick and kept the other, and one of the submachine guns for herself. The other submachine gun went to Simone.

Rollo passed around a fresh plate of cookies that he'd gotten from Vickie. "Perhaps you three should tell us who you are?"

Rick quickly explained that he was a writer and that Kate was his wife and a police captain. Explaining Simone was a bit harder.

"We've been to alternate Earths before. The first time we were there, we met a woman named Kathleen Beckett, who was that Earth's version of my Kate. When we could go back to our own Earth, we couldn't leave Kathleen behind, so we took her with us, but having two absolutely identical Kate's was a problem. So, we changed Kathleen's face and set her up running the best restaurant in New Orleans under the name Simone Renoir. However, the last time Kate, Simone and I got shanghaied to an alternate Earth, we met this Kate Beckett, "He pointed to Simone, "who was a Russian called Tatiana Beckov. The first Simone fell in love and stayed behind on another Earth and we took Tatiana back with us, with her face changed so she looked like the original Simone and she just took the place of Simone. She was visiting us when the Gipper here brought us all here."

Rollo scratched his head. "So Kathleen became Simone, but then stopped being Simone so that Tatiana could become Simone and not be Kate." Rollo examined both Kate and Simone. "So, there are lots of Kates of one kind or another out there….somewhere?"

"Probably an infinite number of them." Kate replied.

"That's an awful lot." Rollo began counting on his fingers.

"All o' this Kate and Taty-Anna makes me head spin." Declan said. "Jist tell us what kind o' magic ye uses where ye be from."

"We have no magic." Kate replied.

"Beggin' yer pardon? No magic. None at all?"

"That's awful." Said Rollo. "How do you get from place to place without magic, or contact each other over long distances, or replace lost blood as we're doing for poor Katie?"

"Science." Kate said. "We have cars, trains airplanes and ships. To communicate we have cell phones, radio, TV and the internet. We use medicine to heal the sick. Specifically we transfuse blood from one patient to one that needs blood. And we use guns." Kate tapped that submachine gun on the table.

Of course, Declan and Rollo had no idea what those words meant. Kate tried to explain, how do you explain a computer to someone who has no concept of electricity?

Finally, Castle quoted Arthur C. Clarke. "Any sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic."

"So ye do hae magic." Declan said triumphantly.

"Forget it." Castle muttered.

Vickie joined them at the table with a plate with one red cookie on it. "I've finished with one cookie. Shall we give it to her and see how she does?"

They all walked over to Katie who was still hovering in midair. Her mouth opened and Vickie popped the cookie into her mouth.

"She's getting a bit of color in her cheeks. That's good." Rollo said.

"Um." Vickie muttered. "I should make up some more cookies for her. "I'll do that tomorrow. Bedtime for us now." She winked at Rick.

Kate looked around the little gingerbread house. "There isn't much room. We can all sleep on the floor, I suppose."

"In a gingerbread house?" Vickie laughed. "Don't be silly. You two can have the guest bedroom."

"Where is it?" Kate looked around.

"Right there." Vickie said, pointing to a door that wasn't there a minute ago.

Declan headed for Simone. "It looks like we'll be takin' the other guest bedroom, _macushla_." He said with a leer.

"Oh, I'll be sleeping with Rick, as I always do. You can share the room with Rollo."

"Rollo?" Cried Declan. "But he snores awfully."

"I do not." Said the bear.

"Ye sounds like a bluidy landslide at night."

"Rollo can take the upstairs bedroom." Vickie said, pointing to a staircase that hadn't been there a moment ago.

Rollo smiled and headed upstairs. "Good night all."

Simone hurried into the bedroom and stopped. The bed was just a cot, hardly big enough for one person, let alone three.

"The bed is too small for us all." She said, wondering if Declan had a hand in this.

Declan strode importantly into the bedroom and muttered a few words in Gaelic. The bed expanded to king sized. "See all the good yer science does ye?" He said and left.

"Sorry about imposing myself on you like this, but I had to get away from Declan."

Kate smiled at her friend. "No problem. I'll sleep in the middle with Rick on one side and you on the other." She looked around the bedroom. "Now if we just had a bathroom…." No sooner had she said that, than a door appeared in one wall. Kate walked over and found, as she'd halfway expected, a full bathroom. "I'll go first, okay?"

When Kate came back to the bedroom, she found both Rick and Simone in baggy red and white striped night shirts and nightcaps. "As soon as you went in the bathroom, the door over there opened." Rick said. "It's a clothes closet. Um, we changed in the closet. Not together. No together at all. She went in first and I never even tried to look, even though…."

Kate kissed him. "Simone, why don't you use the bathroom and I'll change. Oh, and I won't need to use the closet. But I am glad that you and Rick are out of the closet." She teased.

Eventually, they all ended up in bed and snuggled down for a good sleep. After a few minutes, Rick whispered to Kate. "Do you think Simone's a sound sleeper?"

"I am a sound sleeper." Simone said." But if the noise you two made on my first night at your loft is any indication, you'll wake poor Rollo up."

Kate was laughing too hard to do anything but kiss Rick goodnight and roll over.

Simone woke up as soon as sunlight hit her face. She looked at the sleeping couple next to her and decided she's get started in the bathroom. She swung out of bed, but instead of her feet landing on the gingerbread floor, they landed on something fluffy.

"Hey, watch it, will ya?"

Simone pulled her feet back in as Rick and Kate woke up and looked around. There was the sound of scrambling on the floor, and then a six foot tall rabbit stood up. In addition to his size, she noticed he was wearing clothes: Khaki slacks and a dark blue polo shirt.

"Who are you?" Simone demanded.

The rabbit quickly clasped his hands over his ears. "Do you have to scream? I have an awful hangover."

"What are you doing in our bedroom?" Simone demanded.

"Sleeping." The rabbit looked around him, then reached to the floor and picked up a large earthenware jug. "I need a little of the hair of the dog that bit me." He took a long draught from the jug. "Care for a hit?" He said, holding the jug out to the three.

"What is it?" Castle asked, unable to contain his curiosity.

"Castle?" Kate muttered.

The rabbit held out the jug. It read, "Hair of Dog Whiskey. 151 proof."

"No thanks." The three said in unison.

The rabbit shrugged and headed for the bathroom. "Be back in half a mo." No sooner had he gone in than he came back out. "All done. Next?"

Once Rick, Kate and Simone were through they went to the main room, finding Vickie, Declan, Rollo and the rabbit sitting at a table, eating cookies.

"Cookies for breakfast?" Kate asked.

"Try some." Vickie said, as the table expanded to seat three more people and plates, glasses and utensils appeared along with chairs.

Once seated, Castle took a bite of a cookie. "Hey! This tastes like pancakes with maple syrup and butter."

"O' course they do, ye ninny." Declan grumped. "They be _breakfast_ cookies."

"Who's our new furry friend here?" Kate asked, around a cookie that tasted like bacon.

Rollo smiled. "Do you remember the little bunny that Declan magicked yesterday? That's him."

"Harvey." He introduced himself. "My name is Harvey. And I confess, I have no memory beyond yesterday afternoon."

"I'm afraid Declan's magic was a bit off."

"Me magic were perfect, as it always is. There's sumptin' wrong wi' him." He then pointed to a plate on the table. "Will someone gi' me a potato blintz cookie?"

Castle handed the plate over and Declan took several.

"I'm very much afraid Declan did make a mistake. " Vickie said. "Harvey is supposed to be a cute little bunny who lays chocolate Easter eggs. But he's a big bunny who drinks. And drinks a lot."

"Hare." Harvey said coldly. "I'm a hare. Harvey Hare. And I do not drink a lot. I drink just enough. Um, would someone pass me a Guinness Stout cookie? Or perhaps two?"

After breakfast, Vickie began cooking a supply of cookies to replenish Katie's blood and made up a package of cookies for each of the travelers.

"Harvey is coming with us?" Simone asked.

"He can't stay here." Vickie replied. "He's soon eat me out of house and home. And we can't just let him wander about by himself. He is only a day old, you understand."


	3. Chapter 3

Follow the Orange Brick Road

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.

It was late morning when they finally got back on the road again. As they started, Harvey began singing.

"We come on the sloop John B,  
"My grandfather and me,  
"Around Nassau town we did roam,  
"Drinking all night,  
"Got into a fight,  
"Well I feel so broke up,  
"I want to go home."

When he was done with the song, Harvey stopped. "That's odd. That seems to be the only song I know."

"I know one you'll love." Castle said happily.

"Ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall,

"Ninety nine bottles of beer,

"Castle!" Kate screamed, but it was too late. Harvey had already joined in.

As they sang, Harvey drank.

"At least he'll sober up when the bottle runs dry." Kate sighed.

Rollo informed them that he had a magic whiskey jar, one that would never run dry.

"Great. A pickled hare for a companion." Kate grumped.

When, at long last, Castle and Harvey _finally_ got to the end of 99 Bottles of Beer, Harvey had an announcement to make. "I believe I've remembered more songs."

"Nibblin' on sponge cake  
"Watchin' the sun bake  
"All of those tourists covered in oil  
"Strummin' my six-string  
"On my front porch swing  
"Smell those shrimp hey they're beginnin' to boil."

He and Rick sang their way through the rest of the song.

"Thas a great shong, Misser Cassle." Harvey slurred. Then he staggered along, singing under his breath and drinking constantly.

When the sun was directly overhead, Declan suggested they stop for lunch. They left the Orange Brick Road and found a nice shady spot under a large oak tree. Rollo took out his colorful handkerchief and began to unroll it. He unrolled it and unrolled it until he had a blanket big enough to seat them all comfortably.

"Magic?" Castle asked.

"Sure. How else?" The bear replied.

They opened up their cookies and began to eat.

"Mine tastes like a Philly cheese steak sandwich." Rick said. "With an ice cream float."

"I have a pirozhki with lemonade." Simone added.

"Kate?" They both asked at once.

"This is one of my mom's tuna salad sandwiches. I'll swear it is. And milk. That's what she used to make for my lunch." Kate turned away so no one could see the tear in her eye.

"An' what may I be eskin' did ye expec' ta git frae your biscuits, or cookies, as ye calls them?"

"You mean they can tell what we like most and give it to us?" Rick asked.

"Aye. Magic, innit?"

When they were done, Harvey, regrettably, seemed to have gotten his second wind, musically speaking.

"Come on, you young fellas  
"So young and so fine  
"And seek not your fortune  
"In the dark, dreary mines

"It'll form as a habit  
"Seep in your soul  
"Till the blood of your veins runs  
"As black as the coal

"It's dark as a dungeon  
"Damp as the dew  
"Where the dangers are many  
"The pleasures are few

"Where the rain never falls  
"And the sun never shines  
"It's dark as a dungeon  
"Way down in the mine.

All of a sudden, Harvey stopped singing and began to cry.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked.

"The shong is jus' sho sad." The hare replied, downing a substantial amount of his whiskey.

"Thin sing something Irish, ye drunken fool." Yelled Declan.

Harvey nodded and began again.

"In Mountjoy jail one Monday morning  
"High upon the gallows tree,  
"Kevin Barry gave his young life  
"For the cause of liberty."

"Oh, no." Kate muttered.

As soon as Harvey began, Declan joined in, and both began to cry. And drink. Actually, they did more drinking than singing and crying.

Rollo nudged Castle. "We'll be entering the Great Dismal Forest soon. It might be best to stop here for the night and get an early start tomorrow." He motioned to Declan and Harvey. "They'll likely be at it for some time. The number of sad Irish songs is….immense."

Castle sighed and looked around. "Okay. I guess we can sleep under the tree."

Rollo gave him an odd look. "I hardly think that's a good idea." He again took out his handkerchief and began unfolding it. When he was done, the handkerchief had expanded into a large tent. Once Rick, Kate, Simone and Rollo went inside, they saw that the tent, like the gingerbread house was far larger on the inside than on the outside.

"I think the purple room will suit the three of you the best." Rollo pointed at a purple curtain that flapped as if inviting them in. Inside, they found a very large bed, three comfortable chairs, several jugs of wine and a fire in a fireplace.

"How does he carry a fire inside his handkerchief?" Castle asked.

"Magic, babe. Magic."

"Does anyone have any idea how this Katie person fits in with us?" Simone asked. "Or anything else?"

Rick and Kate shared a look, then shrugged.

"I have no clue how we ended up in the magic kingdom, but I think that this Kate is the one I saw in both Singapore and again at the Great Library." ( **Authors note: See** _ **I, Spy**_ **for further details.** ) "She seemed to recognize me anyway."

"She executed a hostage in Singapore." Simone said, coldly. "Who cares about her anyway?"

"She saved my life in the Great Library." Castle said, stubbornly.

"And I'm afraid that Rick is in love with each and every Kate Beckett out there."

"But I love you more than all of the other ones put together." Rick said defensively.

"And you'll want to try to fix her, just like you did me."

He smiled. "I'm a guy. We like to fix things."

Castle checked his watch. "It's early yet. Not time for dinner or bed. I wish there was a ….." He stopped as a bookcase appeared along one curtained wall. "Rollo thinks of everything." He said.

The three went to the bookcase. Castle chose an Agatha Christie novel he hadn't read in years, Kate chose _Heat Wave_ , her favorite Nikki Heat book and Simone chose Jules Verne's _Michael Strogoff_ , in Russian, of course.

After reading for a while, Castle noticed they hadn't heard Harvey and Declan singing since they'd entered their bedroom. Curious, he walked past the purple curtain and could see and hear the two making a mess of _The Green Fields of France_. As soon as he ducked back behind the curtain, the singing stopped. He quickly stuck his head in and out several times. Whenever his head was inside the curtain, silence reigned.

"This is great. I wonder if I could get one here to take home."

"No magic at home." Kate and Simone said together.

" _Some_ people think there's no magic." Castle grumped.

They woke the next morning and had breakfast with a badly hung over Harvey and Declan. However, the two decided that the hair of the dog that bit them was the cure for what ailed them. Soon, they were all on the road again. This time without singing, but both Declan and Harvey were still drinking. Within a very short time they found themselves staring at the entrance to the Great Dismal Forest.

"It lives up to its name." Kate said, checking her submachine gun. Simone did the same.

"It's no that bad." Declan said. "Just dark and wet."

"Very dark and wet." Rollo added.

Castle decided it was all that and more. The trees grew together over the road so thickly that they totally blocked out the sun and grew so closely together that Rick wasn't sure that they could get off the Orange Brick Road, even if they wanted to. Which was fine with him, as he kept catching glimpses of something, or several somethings, moving in the forest. And, stagnant water dripped down on them from the branches above.

They hadn't gone very far when Rollo suddenly stopped. "Be quiet. I think I hear something behind us."

In a few seconds, they all heard it. Kate smiled." That sounds like a Harley-Davidson…."

"….Mushroom." Rick finished for her as a chopped mushroom roared up, driven by a large purple caterpillar.

"Some call me the love doctor, some call me the gangster of love." He crooned. "My! Those are the two finest asses I have seen in many a day."

Both Rollo and Harvey smiled, waggled their tails and approached the caterpillar. "Why thank you." Rollo said. "Looking for a good time, sailor?" He said softly. "Or a rough time?" He bared his fangs.

"We can go either way." Harvey added.

"Whoa, there. I was talking to the very hot young ladies." He leered at Kate and Simone. "Would you girls like a ride? Obviously, I have some dynamite magic 'shrooms as well as some pharmaceutical grade love powder. What do you say?"

"We're taken." Kate and Simone said together, moving closer to Rick. Rick put his arm around Kate's waist, but Simone had to take his hand and pull his arm around her waist. "Very taken." Kate said.

"See if I look you up when I come out of my chrysalis and become a bee-you-ti-ful butterfly. Don't come crying to me then."

"We won't." The women said in unison.

The caterpillar gunned his engine and took off to the sound of _In a Gadda da Vida._

"Did that remind you of…."Rick began.

"No." Kate said firmly.

"Me either." Rick said quickly.

They continued their journey through a haze of exhaust fumes.

They had not gone too far when they heard a commotion ahead of them. Rounding a bend, they saw a very shiny person dashing around the road, screaming, "Come back here. Now. Now. Now, dammit." The being stopped and stared at something at the edge of the forest. The being took a few steps and then lunged, unfortunately jamming itself between two trees.

They rushed forward to help. Rollo and Castle each grabbed a leg and pulled. Castle noticed that the legs were of metal and when the being was pulled out, he knew exactly who they had found.

"You're the Tin Woodsman!" He exclaimed. "I'll bet you're looking for a heart."

"Tin?" Was the roared reply. "Does this look like tin to you, dummy? This is the very best high test steel. And my heart is made of steel as well. It's going to be going strong long after your wimpy organic heart has stopped. And as for being a woods- _man_ , does this chest look like it's from a man?"

Castle's eyes dropped down and he saw that indeed, he was staring at steel boobs. "Sorry."

"Just what were you doing here, running around like that?" Rollo broke in.

"My toolbox is lost in time. I'm trying to get the thing to be here now and not in the future or the past."

"It's got your axe in it?" Castle asked.

"Axe? It has a complete set of mechanic's tools in it. How am I supposed to work without a toolbox? Answer me that?"

"How did you lose it?" Rollo asked politely.

"Three You Kay, the wizard, did it. He tried to hit on me and I, well, I sort of hit him back. Now my toolbox is gone and I'm screwed." She looked at the seven of them. "And what's your story. Collecting brunettes? Trying for a full set?"

Declan answered. "Katie here was hurt ver' badly. We went to the Wicked Witch of the West and got some blood cookies for her, but we need to get her to the Wizard."

"The Wiz? Good idea. Do you mind if I tag along? I'll bet the Wiz could get my toolbox back."

"The more the merrier I allus sez. But ye should know that some bad folks is after yon Katie. It could git dangerous."

The Steel Woodswoman made a fist. "I can be dangerous as well. Oh, by the way, my name is Ann. Ann Hasty. "Hasty, but good, repairs", that's my motto."

They introduced themselves to Ann and the eight continued down the road.


	4. Chapter 4

Follow the Orange Brick Road

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.

They left the Great Dismal Forest at last, and as they did, they heard singing ahead of them. After a while they could make out the lyrics.

"Treat me like a fool,

"Treat me mean and cruel,

"But love me."

"Is that Elvis?" Castle asked. "Could it be?"

"Elvis Who?" Asked Ann.

"Elvis. The King. Who else."

"Babe…." Kate began.

She was cut off by Ann. "We have no kings here." She said sharply. "Just the Queen of Hearts, and don't you ever forget it. Because if you do, all the leprechauns, bears, bunnies and brunettes in the world won't help you. She's a mean mother…."

"Watch your mouth." Said Rollo.

"I'm talking about the Queen." Ann said, with a steely glare.

"We should go see who's singing." Castle said, heading off with both Kate and Simone. The rest followed them.

There by the side of the road was a large table. At the head of the table was a man in a purple leather jumpsuit with a mink cape around his shoulders. On his head was a massive top hat of many colors, with a large blue feather on one side. He wore aviator sunglasses, but Kate thought she recognized him.

"Oh, no…"

"What is it?" Rick asked.

Suddenly, the singing stopped and the man greeted the new arrivals. "Thank you. Thank you very much. Darlin', is that hunka hunka burning love with you?"

Both Kate and Simone grabbed Castle. "Yes. We're with him and he's with us." Simone said quickly, spotting Declan out of the corner of her eye.

"Well, love him tender, love him true."

"And you are?" Asked Kate.

"Who am I? Are you actually asking _who_ I am?"

"He's not on first." Muttered Castle.

"I'm Elvis. Elvis Vaughn, thank you. Thank you very much."

"You're welcome." Rollo said. He introduced everyone to Elvis.

"We're having a little tea party here. The Mad Hatter was hosting, but he was a bit over medicated and they came and took him away."

"Who came and took him away?"

"They did." Elvis replied. "Just like _they_ do _everything_."

"He's right, you know." Rick said. "How many times have you blamed something on what _they_ did?"

Kate thought for a moment. "So they have an actual _they_ to do the things they do?"

"Thank you. Thank you very much, pretty momma." Elvis said." Now for my next song…."

"You ain't nothin' but a hound dog,

"Cryin' all the time,

"You never caught a rabbit,

"And you ain't no friend of mine."

"Hey!" Cried Harvey. "What are you? Some kind of anti-rabbit fanatic? Them's fighting words around me, buster."

"Oh, don't worry about of Elvis there." Said another voice. Slowly a dog managed to raise himself up to the table. "He's just mad about the mad March hare. You know what those March hares are like."

Harvey nodded. "Mad." He looked at the dog more closely. "Say, aren't you…?"

"You got it." The dog said with a smile.

"Declan!" Cried Harvey. "That's the dog that bit me."

"Didn't _they_ bite you?" Declan sounded puzzled.

"Wait." Cried Castle. "You're Royal, the dog."

"Don't say that!" Cried Royal." You don't want to call me royal, because if the Queen of Hearts ever hears about it, "Royal made a slashing motion across his throat, "I'm history. Just call me Roy."

Roy pulled out a jug from under the table. "So, this is a tea party, but would you like a little hair of the dog that bit you, from the dog who bit you?"

Rollo, Declan and Harvey accepted at once. Harvey waved to the others. "Come on over and have a sip. It's good."

Ann Hasty shook her head. "I'm made of steel. Alcohol does nothing for me."

Roy reached under the table and drew out another jug, which he tossed to Ann. "Try that."

Ann cautiously took a sip. "Wow! This is great. What is it?"

"Twenty year old WD 40 oil. It'll fix what ails you."

"Do you have any vodka?" Simone asked. "I'm still Russian." She said to Rick and Kate.

"We should look after Katie." Kate said, pointing to the woman floating in the air beside her.

"She'll be fine." Rollo said. "There's mead for me, fermented honey and we have some Scotch for you, Rick. Do you like 30 year old Talisker, some 40 year old Laphroaig, or perhaps a Macallan 1946?"

Castle's mouth hung open and his eyes were blank. "You have Macallan 1946?"

"Doesn't everyone?" Rollo replied.

Kate took Rick's arm. "Is there enough for two?"

Rick and Kate woke up the next morning in Rollo's spacious handkerchief tent. Simone had gotten her own room in the tent.

"I don't have a hangover." Rick said, feeling his head. "My head should be pounding right now."

"Me either, but I'm not going to complain about it."

"I'm not complaining, I'm really getting to like this magic."

Kate grinned. "Why, Castle. You sound like you didn't believe in magic before."

Rick pulled Kate close to him and kissed her. "I believe in the magic we make."

"Toime ta get oop?" Declan yelled from outside. "We need ta be goin'."

"He really is a lot like Ryan, isn't he?" Kate muttered as she got out of bed.

As they got ready to go, Roy the dog came over to talk to them. "Where are you bound for?"

"We're headed for the palace to see the Wizard. We need to do something for poor Katie here. She was shot and hurt bad. We got her some blood, but she needs fixin' real bad." Rollo said.

Roy nodded. "I've never been to the palace, nor seen the Wizard. I hear he puts on quite a show. Mind if I tag along?"

"You don't happen to need a brain or some courage, do you?" Castle asked.

"Is he always this insulting?" Roy said with a glare.

"He's just trying to help." Kate quickly said, taking Castle by the arm and leading him away.

The travelers had not gone far when Rollo stopped and cupped his hand around his ear. "Someone coming."

Roy nodded and inhaled. "Someone smelly."

Soon they could see a cloud of dirty smoke coming towards them and then they could hear a loud, mechanical racket.

"Oh, no." Declan cried. "Not her."

"Who?" Kate asked.

"I'm afraid it's the Wicked Witch of the East."

No sooner had Rollo told them this, than a woman riding a broom side saddle rode up, spewing oily smoke and making enough noise to raise the dead. Castle hoped that the dead weren't being raised.

"Okay, hand over your gold." Said a familiar redhead. "I need some fuel for my chopper. I've had to use leaded brass for the last fifty miles."

"Meredith?" Castle said, shocked.

"Who?"

"First base." Castle said automatically.

"You got to a lot more than first base with her." Kate whispered.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Don't say it, Castle."

"Now, hand over your gold, silver and gems. Be quick about it. I don't have all day. I need to fuel my broom."

Declan laughed. "Be off wi ye, WW. We know that yer witchy powers is gone."

"Just for that, I'm going to turn you into a frog." The witch grabbed her magic wand and spouted some nonsense words. A small spark flew out of her wand on hit Declan, bouncing off.

"There!" She said. "See? I turned you green! That's the first step."

"He was already dressed all in green, WW." Rollo said, reasonably.

"Who asked you? Just for that, big boy, I'm going to turn you into a dog." She again waved her wand, chanted something and a small spark bounced off of Rollo.

"There!" She cried, pointing to Roy. "I turned him into a dog."

"I already was a dog." Roy said. "And he's still a bear."

"You only think he's still a bear. He's a dog, I tell you."

Castle reached into his pocket and pulled out some change. "Look, I have about a buck fifty in change. Take it and go. Okay?"

Meredith took it and glared at the rest. "You're just lucky that the big spender here came up with the silver. I was about to unleash all manner of plagues on you." She roared off on her broom, which seemed a bit less noisy and smoked less.

"That's the cheapest I've ever been able to get rid of Meredith." Castle said under his breath.

"Say, Declan." Asked Roy. "Is there a little puppies' room around here?"

"A what?" Asked Castle.

"I need to relieve myself." Roy said. "I need the little puppies' room."

"Can't you just lift your leg against a tree?"

"Do I look like some sort of savage to you?"

Declan rapped his shillelagh on the ground. "Right over there, boyo." He gestured to his right.

To Castle, the trees lining the road looked like an impenetrable wall, but Roy pushed a tree back and walked out of sight. There was a brief silence followed by the sound of a toilet flushing. Then the sound of singing and running water. Roy walked back onto the road. "Ah, the pause that refreshes."

"That was…odd." Castle said.

"Ye don't have public conveniences in yer world, boyo?" Declan said. "That's yer science fer ye then."

"We do….Just not like that."

"You know, cleanliness _is_ next to dogliness." Roy said.

Rick just shook his head and they all resumed their trip.

Next, they ran into two very obese men, so obese as to appear to be round. They were oddly dressed as well, wearing red and white striped blazers, board shorts, green and blue striped knee socks, and short billed caps on their heads.

"Good day to ye." Declan said, doffing his hat.

"Hello. Who are you?" They said.

Declan introduced the party. "And you are?"

"We're Tweedledemming and Tweedleschlemming." They said in unison.

"I'm Tweedledemming." Said one.

"You are not. I'm Tweedledemming." Said the other.

"Am so!"

"Are not!"

"Liar!"

"Liar!"

They continued yelling until Rollo began to push them to the said of the road. "Sorry, guys, but we're on our way to the palace to see the Wizard. If you ever figure out who's who, tell someone else.

"You're headed to the palace?" They said.

"That's where the Wizard is, right?" Rollo asked.

"You might not want to go there right now."

"And why would that be?" Declan asked.

Both men laughed. "We just stole the Queen of Hearts very own ruby slippers." Each one pulled out a slipper with four inch heels. They weren't just ruby colored, each shoe was carved out of a ruby. "We're going to be rich. We'll open an oyster bar with a walrus we know. We even know a guy who can build the bar for us."

"I know a guy." Said one. "I always know a guy."

"No you don't!" Screamed the other one. "I'm the one who always knows a guy!"

They started yelling at each other again.

"I don't sound like that, do I?" Castle asked quietly.

"Just a little. But when you do it, it's cute." Kate whispered.

"Very cute." Simone added.

"Uh oh." Rollo said, looking up at the sky.

While the twins argued about who knew a guy, the others looked at the sky. Dark clouds were appearing from nowhere, the wind began to blow and while it had been comfortably warm a few moments ago, it was now getting chilly. They could see flashes of lightning and hear thunder.

A lightning bolt hit near them, finally attracting the attention of the twins. "Uh, oh." They said.

When everyone's eyes adjusted from the blinding flash, they saw a tall, blonde woman striding angrily towards them. She wore black leather platform knee boots, fishnet stockings and a brief patent leather bikini bottom. She had a corset that was laced very tightly, squeezing her waist in and pushing her large boobs out. In one hand, she had a whip.

"Is that Lash La Rue?" Castle asked, his eyesight not quite returned to normal.

"It's someone else, babe." Kate said softly.

"It's the Wicked Witch of the South." Muttered Rollo. "Someone is in trouble and I think I know who it is."

"So, you thought you could steal from the Queen of Hearts, did you?"


	5. Chapter 5

Follow the Orange Brick Road

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.

The twins lost control of their sphincters and bladders, but not their mouths. "It wasn't us! It was them!" They pointed at Castle and his companions." We retrieved the Queen's slippers for her."

"It was dangerous, too." Said one.

"You should kill that whole bunch before they get away. They're bad hombres."

"We are not!" Rollo said stoutly. "We are the pilgrims, Mistress, we shall go always a little further, it may be beyond that last blue mountain barred with snow, across that angry or glimmering sea." Rollo doffed his hat and bowed low to the blonde witch.

"So you've been to Samarkand. Big deal. That proves nothing." The witch said derisively.

"Well, I'm man's best friend." Roy said. "Do you think I'd steal a pair of shoes? What would I do with just two shoes?"

"Do I look like a man?" The witch growled.

"We have woman's best friend here, too." Royal said quickly.

"And that would be…?"

"Him!" Declan said, pushing Rick forward.

"You?" The witch laughed.

Rick finally got a good look at the witch. "Gina? What are you doing here?"

"How do you know my given name? Don't you know it's death to reveal a witches real name?"

"I must have missed that one." Then what she had said hit him. "Death? Do I get time off for good behavior? I have no prior criminal history." He added softly. "Around here."

"Excuse me." Kate said. "But while you've been talking, the two thieves took off with the slippers."

Indeed, Tweedledemming and Tweedleschlemming had taken to their heels and vamoosed.

The witch cursed. "Okay, Pretty Boy, I'm just going to issue you a warning this time. But if I ever catch you…." The rest of what she was saying was lost in the crack of lightning and a blast of thunder. The witch was gone.

"Death? Are you kidding me?" Castle cried.

"We should move along." Rollo said, looking down the road in the direction that the witch had gone. "In case she comes back."

As they marched along, Declan looked up at the sky. "Oi thinks that if we hurry, we'll be at the Treehouse by supper time."

"Good." Rollo replied. "I'm almost out of cookies and I'm hungry."

"Didn't you have a week's worth cookies like the rest of us?" Simone asked.

Rollo looked defensive. "I'm a big guy. I need my nourishment."

"You've been nourishing yourself ever since the Mad Hatter's bash." Roy said. "Isn't one cookie supposed to be a meal? You've had three breakfasts, two lunches and three dinners since this morning."

"I'm hungry." Rollo said, holding his bag of cookies upside down to show it was empty. "I'm wasting away to skin and bones. There'll be nothing left of me soon."

Rollo looked so unhappy that Castle gave him two of his cookies.

"Thanks, Mr. Castle. That really hit the spot." He looked at the rest of his companions. "At least one of you are generous and a gentleman."

"I couldn't pass the physical to become a gentleman." Kate said, sarcastically.

"Hey, same with me." Simone said. "What a coincidence. How about you, Maid of Steel?"

"Actually, I have a plumbing attachment that…"

"Way too much information." Castle said, holding his hands over his ears.

"We're be needin' ta move, if ye please." Declan said testily and they went off down the road.

Before dark they could see a blaze of lights ahead of them and above them.

"Is that the Treehouse?" Kate asked.

"The foinest inn in all of the land." Declan said proudly. "We'll dine an' sleep in luxury this night, we will."

When they got to the tree that held the treehouse, they saw that the lights were far above them.

"This thing makes a Sequoia look like a twig." Castle said.

"That's some sort of non-magical tree, Oi'm assumin'" The tiny Irishman said with a superior smile.

"How do we get up?" Castle asked. "Magic, I bet. A flying carpet? A giant eagle? Maybe…"

He was cut off by a soft dinging and a door opening in the tree. A wizened turtle looked at them over large spectacles. "Going up?"

"An elevator?" Castle said, obviously disappointed.

"It works, boyo. It works."

As with so many things in this world, the inside of the Treehouse was far larger than the outside. They faced a large, airy lobby with comfortable looking couches, lamps, and tables with an assortment of magazines on them. In the background, they could hear soft music playing. Castle's eyes followed the sound of the music until he spotted the band. It wasn't quite the band from the Mos Eisley Cantina, but it had its moments. All but the singer were dressed in elegant tuxedos. There was a giraffe playing what looked like a cello, an elephant tickling the ivories with his own ivories, a buffalo on a flute, two meerkats playing the violin, one worked the bow while the other pressed the strings down, and a lioness in an evening gown, singing.

"May I help you?" Said a familiar voice.

"Jaci…." Rick stopped, remembering what the Wicked Witch of the South had said about witches and their names. "Are you a witch, by any chance?"

"Of course not. I'm Sister Jacinda, of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. How may we help you?"

As Declan explained that they needed dinner and rooms, Castle looked at Jacinda. She was dressed from head to toe in a voluminous black garment that left only her face visible.

"Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence?" Kate whispered. "Are you interested?"

"I intend to perpetually indulge myself with you." He answered quickly. "It's just that we keep meeting people we know, sort of, in such very odd situations."

"I don't know. I think Meredith and Gina are _perfect_ witches."

"Yeah, but if Declan starts wearing sweater vests, it's all over."

Declan handed Jacinda some gold and she led the party to the dining room. A very polite skunk met them at the door, and escorted them to their table. "Your waiter will be here momentarily."

In New York, that often meant that your waiter would show up after his smoke break and after flirting with several waitresses. However, their waiter, another turtle arrived in seconds. "Would you like a drink while you peruse the menu?" He asked.

Castle stared at the turtle. "How long is it going to take you to get to the bar and back?"

"Mere seconds, sir." He raised his leg to show that he was wearing roller skates.

"Roller skates? Not magic?"

"These are magical roller skates, sir."

They ordered drinks and looked over the menu. In spite of being only one page long, the menu contained hundreds, if not thousands of items.

Everyone found something they really loved on the menu. Ann Hasty even found some high test steel shavings a jus, which she found delightful.

At the end of the meal, they wandered back to the lobby before going to their rooms. The band was still playing.

"Beckett. That sounds like a waltz. It is. It's 3/4 time, or thereabouts. Care to dance with me?" He said.

She curtsied in return. "I'd love to."

"What are ye doin'?" Declan inquired.

"Dancing." Rick replied. "You do know what dancing is, don't you?"

Declan, and everyone else just shook their heads.

"Then just watch." Rick led Kate onto the floor in front of the band and they began to dance. Soon they had gathered a large audience who were wondering what this strange form of movement was.

Simone saw Declan leering at her, so she grabbed Harvey and pulled him out onto the dance floor. The hare had no real idea what to do, but he was able to shake his furry little bunny tail to the time of the music.

Next, Ann Hasty took Rollo out onto the floor. While not very rhythmic, both were very strong. Ann was able to lift Rollo over her head easily and the bear then did a back flip and finished with a pretty good pirouette.

When the six were done, they found that many people had bought them drinks. They sat and the humans did their best to explain dance to their friends.

Suddenly Rick found herself looking at boobs. Not just any boobs, but four pairs of striped, furry boobs that were just barely covered by an evening gown. It was the tiger singer.

"That was interesting." She said. "Care to come my room and we can do a little _dancing_ as you call it?"

"So I can be one of your conquests?"

The tigress smiled. "Or I could be one of yours."

"Sorry. I'm spoken for." He gestured to Kate and Simone.

"Too bad. It would have been great." She winked at Castle.

"Oi'm available." Declan said with a smile.

"I can understand that." The tigress said and strode off.

"We should hit the hay." Rick said.

"There's no hay around here. And why would you hit it?" Rollo asked, puzzled.

"I mean we should just go to sleep."

"Then why didn't you say so?"

After breakfast the next morning, they were back on the Orange Brick Road. They hadn't gone very far, when a huge being stepped out of the forest and stood in front of them, on the path. Although hideously ugly, he was snappily dressed in a blue suit, white shirt and red power tie.

"Halt where you are. I am Will the Thrill and I defend all of the Wizard's Inter Realm Highways. Surrender now or face my wrath."

Rollo stepped forward. "You don't look so tough…"

"One more word out of you and you're a fur rug." The creature bellowed.

"Oh. Well, when you put it that way…"

"What do you want, Will?" Kate demanded. "Is it sprinkles?"

"N-o-o-o-o!" He screamed. "I'm over sprinkles. I'm arresting you because, I can."

"Typical." Castle muttered.

"Oi'm not bein' arrested by the likes of you, boyo." Declan said, waving his shillelagh about. "Put up yer dukes. I've whipped me weight in Black and Tans in me day, an' Oi'm no afraid of ye."

Suddenly, Will the Thrill began to cry. "Don't hurt me. Please. I was just fooling with you."

Castle suddenly understood. "You think you're a coward!"

"No." The creature blubbered. "I know I'm a coward. And I can't be. How can a Keeper of the Wizard's Peace be a coward? It isn't fair."

"So, you're scared?"

"Of course, I'm scared. That's what being a coward is."

Castle shook his head. "No it isn't. All courage is, is doing what you're supposed to do in spite of being scared. Kate and I, and Simone have been terrified many times, but we did what we knew we had to do. I'm sure it's the same with the rest of my companions."

"Not a bit, boyo." Growled Declan.

"Why would I be scared?" Ann Hasty asked, puzzled.

"Agree with him." Kate whispered fiercely. "Or I'll make you afraid."

Declan nodded his head. "Oi'm afeered sometimes."

"All you need is proof that you've been brave. Let us go, and I'll provide you with that proof."

"Castle…?" Kate whispered.

"Okay." The creature said.

Castle pulled out his notebook and pen and began writing. When he was done, he tore out a page and handed it to the creature. "Read it."

The creature cleared his throat. "In recognition of his many valorous and courageous acts, above and beyond the call of duty, Will the Thrill is hereby awarded the Medal of Supreme Courage, with all of the rights attendant to that award." The creature began to cry. "That's wonderful." He stood up straighter. "Are there any evil doers about?"

Castle pointed down the road behind them. "I think you'll find them that-a-way."

As the newly brave creature headed away from them, Declan asked Castle. "How did you know to do that?"

"It worked for the cowardly lion."

"Who?"

"A guy with the same kind of problem.


	6. Chapter 6

Follow the Orange Brick Road

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.

They continued their walk down the Orange Brick Road, stopping for lunch at a small roadside inn run by a friendly family of cats. Rick and Kate kept an eye on Roy, but he didn't seem to be bothered by the cats and vice versa. In fact a kitten crawled up into his lap and went to sleep.

"You like kittens?" Kate asked.

"Oh, I like all kinds of children. One of these days, when I'm done rambling around, I'll get married and have a couple of litters of puppies. Me and the missus will live in an ivy covered cottage with a white picket fence around it. Just like my mom and dad, I guess."

"What do you do for a living?" Castle asked, fascinated by this picture of canine domesticity.

"Right now, I do whatever will pay me. But, I'm an artistic type at heart. Let me show you." He reached into a satchel he'd been carrying over his shoulder and pulled out a battered notebook. He flipped through the pages and settled on one drawing. It was of a tall, slender Irish wolfhound, dressed in skinny jeans, a black leather jacket and boots with four inch heels. Before either Rick or Kate could say anything, Roy tapped the page and the figure began walking through a city. You could see a badge and a pistol at her waist.

"Magic?" Castle asked.

"She's a cop?" Said Kate.

"Yes to both questions."

"Does she have a name?" Rick asked.

"Nikki."

Rick and Kate stared at each other.

"Does she have a last name?" Kate asked.

"Not yet. I haven't found one I like."

"How about Heat. Nikki Heat. Detective Nikki Heat." Castle said with a grin.

Roy shook his head. "Nikki Heat? You gotta be kidding me."

"What's wrong with it?" Rick demanded.

"You obviously don't have your paw on the pulse of the populace. Nikki Heat? What's it mean? It's a stripper's name."

Kate just laughed.

"What about Nikki Beckett?" Simone suggested. "Your detective is an Irish wolfhound and Beckett is an Irish name."

Roy nodded. "Nikki Beckett. I kind of like it. It sounds good. Yeah. Nikki Beckett."

"Nikki O'Ryan would be a far better name fer an Irish lass, boyo." Declan put in.

"Nope. She gonna be Nikki Beckett."

"Nikki Heat would be far better." Castle insisted.

Roy pushed the notebook across to Castle. "Oh? Well, let's see you do a magical Nikki Heat then."

"Magical?" Castle said. He picked up a pencil and tried to draw, but nothing happened.

"Ye've no magic in ye, laddy buck." Declan said. "Oi kin see that."

"You're just not the artistic type." Roy said, putting his notebook back into his satchel.

"We need to be on our way." Kate said, having stopped laughing.

They hadn't gone far when they heard a loud humming headed their way.

"An acapella choir warming up?" Rick guessed.

"With just basses?" Rollo said.

Roy nodded. "I smell _something_ headed this way."

Suddenly Rollo broke into a grin. "Bees! Those are bees. That means honey." The bear licked his lips in anticipation.

They were bees, indeed, but not like any Castle had ever seen before. They were a good two feet long, and were towing some kind of a cart.

When Castle saw who was in the cart, he moaned. "It can't be."

The cart stopped and a slender, bearded young man jumped down. "Hello, folks. I'm Simple Simon, the Pi-Man. I have a wonderful assortment of pies for you. What can I get you today?"

"Would you have anything with honey in it?" Rollo asked, starting to drool.

"No, I have to save my honey for the bees."

"Maybe some pies with oil?" Asked Ann Hasty. "WD 40?"

Simple Simon made a face. "Sounds gross."

"How about something with corned beef and cabbage?" Declan inquired.

"Beef?" He was obviously shocked. "Never. I make my pies with fruits and vegetables. Food as nature intended."

"Perhaps something with carrots?" Harvey asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I sold my last one to some rabbit that kept looking at his watch and muttering about being late."

"How about a chicken pot pie?" Castle asked.

Simon just ignored him.

Neither Kate, nor Simone nor Katie asked for anything.

Simon thanked them for their interest and went off on down the road.

"I could have used a carrot pie." Harvey said sadly as he took a long drink from his jug.

"No corned beef and cabbage?" Declan said dismissively. "He'll find no trade in the Olde Sod."

"No oil pies." Ann Hasty began. "What does he think…." She stopped and looked down the road. "There it is."

Sitting in the middle of the road was a large red tool kit, on wheels. Ann ran to it and just as she arrived at it, it disappeared. Then Ann saw it right by the edge of the road and leaped for it. Again, the tool kit disappeared and Ann went right through where it had been. There was a loud splash and an anguished cry from Ann.

Rushing over, her friends found her face down in a stream. Pulling her out, they dragged her back to the road.

"How are you doing without your tools?" A voice called, ending in a cackling laugh.

"You!" Ann screamed. "I'll tear you limb from limb." She started after the man, a short dark haired sort, just standing there. But as Ann took her first step, her knee locked up. She tried to take a step, but the other knee locked up.

"Oh, dear me, Ann." Cried the man. "You seem to be rusting up from your little swim. You should be more careful. When your friends leave you, I'll have my way with you."

"We don't leave our friends behind. "Rollo announced, glaring at the man.

No sooner were the words out of his mouth, than the whole group began to glide down the Orange Brick Road, leaving poor Ann behind.

"Who are you?" Demanded Castle.

They stopped moving and were turned to face the man.

"Who am I? You really don't know who I am?"

"Not a clue." Rick replied.

"Amazing. None of you have heard of me?"

Everyone except Rick, Kate, Simone and Katie admitted to knowing who he was.

"The rest of you really have no idea who I am?"

"And no interest in finding out." Kate said.

"Guess, then. Guess who I am?"

"Rumpelstiltskin?" Rick said sarcastically.

"I'm Three You Kay."

The three shrugged. "Okay. You're 3UK. So?"

"I'm the most dangerous wizard there is. I'm always messing with people and I never get caught. And I never will."

"What kind of a name is 3UK?" Simone asked.

"It's not my name, stupid. It's what people call me. Three You Kay for Three Un Knowns. The three things about me that are secret. They're the source of my power. If anyone ever discovered them, I'd be powerless. Go ahead and guess, but if you guess wrong, I'll do something nasty to you." The sentence ended in evil giggles.

"So what are the three?" Rick asked.

"My real name, the name of my girlfriend and the color of my mom's hair."

"Jerry Tyson, Kelly Nieman, and blonde." Rick shot back.

3UK screamed and began to shrink. He shrank until he was about six inches tall. Then the red tool kit landed on him, crushing him. Then a safe, followed by a piano landed on him. Castle noticed that all three objects were marked, "Acme Corporation."

"Get me some oil." Ann said slowly as her body began to rust up.

Before anyone could do anything, a slender, rather beaten up coyote, came out of the woods, muttered, "Bummer", and took his piano and safe, and left.

"Was that….." Castle pointed at the retreating coyote.

"It must have been." Kate said.

"Oil." Ann croaked.

Harvey ran to the tool box and got out an oil can. Soon Ann's joints were as good as new.

He hugged Rick, bruising him with her nipples. "Thank you so much. I have my tool kit back and I can work now. How can I ever thank you?"

"Try not mauling my husband." Kate said.

"Oh, sorry." She took a step backwards. "I've never been to the palace, or seen the wizard, so I'd like to continue on with you. Is that all right?"

Everyone agreed and they all went off down the Orange Brick Road. In the distance they could hear the rather tinny sounds of a honky-tonk piano.

"Hey, it's some kind of a road house." Castle said enthusiastically.

That was all that Declan, Harvey and Roy needed to hear. Rick looked at Kate and they both shrugged.

"I guess we'll go in." Kate noticed that Katie had started to drift to the road house as well. She looked at Ann. "Coming?"

"I hope they have some decent oil."

"Coming, Castle?"

"Always."

By the time they got inside, their three companions had already bellied up to the bar. Rick, Kate and Ann followed suit.

Suddenly, the piano music stopped as the swinging doors opened up to let three strangers in.

"Well, look at that." Said the one in the middle. "I heard you were a low down, dirty Yankee, Shane."

"Who?" Rick asked.

"Shane. You're Shane."

As the man stepped forward, Rick recognized the man and his two companions. "It's you."

The man nodded. "That's right. I'm Wild Black Jack Hunt the Kid and these are my pardners, Rocky and Bull."

"Really?" Castle said, shaking his head. "A squirrel and a moose?"

"A _flying_ squirrel, and you'd better smile when you say that." The little fellow tapped the leather flying cap on his head.

Ann stepped forward. "He isn't Shane, I am. And I've heard that _you're_ a low down, dirty Yankee. Now go for your guns."

The three drew, but the bullets just bounced off of Ann Hasty's steel body. She grabbed their guns from their hands and crushed them.

Ann smiled at them. "Now get out of town."

The three left.

"We should go, I think." Ann said, turning to her friends.

But as they left, they heard a voice calling, "Shane. Shane, come back."

Soon they came to a bridge over a deep chasm with a rapidly flowing river far below. Looking up and down the river, they could see that this was the only way to cross for quite a ways. When they stepped onto the bridge, a voice stopped them.

"That's far enough. In order to cross, you'll have to get by me. Special Agent Jordan Shaw, T.R.O.L.L."

Castle looked at this edition of Jordan Shaw. She was younger and much hotter than the one they'd met on his Earth. "You're a troll? And aren't you supposed to live _under_ bridges?"

Special Agent Shaw shook her head. "I'm not a troll. I work for T.R.O.L.L. That's Transportation Rehabilitation Organization and Landscaping, Limited."

"So what do we have to do to cross the bridge?" Rollo asked.

"You need to pay the toll."

"And how much is that?"

"One thousand gold coins."

"Pay the woman." Rollo said to Declan.

"A thousand of me gold coins ta cross yon bridge? I'll not pay a single farthing!" The wee man screamed angrily.

"Does anyone else have money?"

Ann shook her head. "I haven't been able to work without my tools."

"I just got here." Harvey said.

"Who ever heard of a dog with money?" Said Roy.

"We have no gold coins and you don't take plastic around here." Castle said. He turned to Shaw. "Is there any other place to cross?"

"Yes, but you'll have to pay the same amount to cross there."

"We don't have the money. Is there anything else we can do? Work it off, maybe?"

"You could try to answer the three riddles, but no one has ever succeeded."


	7. Chapter 7

Follow the Orange Brick Road

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.

"Sure. What are they?" Castle asked, confidently.

"A prisoner is told, "If you lie to us, we'll hang you. If you tell the truth, we'll shoot you." What should he say?"

"That's it?" Castle said.

"Now, boyo, just because it's too hard fer ye, is no reason to give up."

"He should say, "You will hang me." Castle shouted. "If they hang him, it's not a lie, so they'd have to shoot him, but that would make his statement a lie, so they'd have to hang him, which would be the truth, and so on."

"Amazing." Rollo said. "If they tried to hang him, it'd be the truth and they have to shoot him for the truth….suppose they just cheated and knifed him?"

"Rollo, that's not helping." Kate said quietly.

"Next." Castle said, smirking.

Shaw glared at Castle, but went on. "A man says, "I have ten or more daughters. I have less than ten daughters. I have at least one daughter." One of those statements is true. How many daughters does he have?"

Castle laughed. "That is so easy."

"Easy?" Said Rollo. "What do you mean? How can you tell how many daughters the man has? He could have hundreds."

"Ye did good guessin' the first one, laddy buck, but tis obvious this is too hard." Declan said.

"If he has any daughters at all, then two of the statements must be true." Castle said loudly. "Therefore he has no daughters, and the answer is less than ten daughters, since zero is less than ten."

Shaw really glared at Castle. "Okay. You're pretty good. But you won't get this one. A man is sitting in a bar and he's got no money left, but he's still thirsty. He sees a man on the other side of the bar pay for a drink from a big bag of gold coins. The man loudly announces, "I know every song in the world. Every last one of them."

The man with the gold laughs. "That's impossible. You're lying."

"Tell me her name and I'll sing a song with your daughter's name in it for fifty gold coins."

"Done. Her name is Raquel Lisette Ledbetter-Cosgrove."

"The man won the bet and got his fifty gold coins. What did he sing?"

Everyone looked at Castle who just laughed. "He sang Happy Birthday."

They crossed the bridge with a very unhappy T.R.O.L.L. agent glaring at them.

"Are ye some sort of wizard in yer ain country?" Asked Declan.

"Perhaps a great philosopher?" Rollo suggested.

Castle laughed. "I have a very smart daughter. When she was younger, the schools used to love to send logic puzzles like that home for homework. Alexis used to get them all right off, and since I checked her homework, I learned them all."

" _You_ checked Alexis' homework?" Kate teased.

Rick blushed slightly. "I was trying to be the adult in the family. And I learned so much."

Suddenly Declan stopped. He inhaled deeply. Then he inhaled again. "It's the creature."

Kate and Simone drew their weapons. Rollo adopted a fighting stance. Harvey, sensibly, hid behind Ann. Roy growled. Castle just looked around.

"What kind of creature." Castle asked.

" _The_ creature, ye ninny. _The_ creature." Declan said, now walking down the road.

"Wait." Cried Simone. "By the creature, do you mean whiskey?"

"Of course."

"He's found a bar." Simone said disgustedly.

"Not a bar, lass. A pub. A public house, wi' whiskey, poteen an' the water of life. An' Guinness, an' soda bread, Irish stew, corned beef an' cabbage an'….Oh, all sorts of lovely things."

"We may as well go." Said Ann. "You won't see Declan pass up an Irish pub."

They saw that Declan was closely followed by Rollo, Harvey and Roy, with Katie Beckett's unconscious form following behind by magic. They went after them.

The pub was just down the road, set back a wee bit from it. The pub was a cozy looking whitewashed building with a thatched roof and smoke drifting from a chimney. Rose bushes grew by the door and ivy clung to the walls. Declan rushed through the door and stopped, inhaling deeply.

"Welcome, lads. What'll it be?" Cried a familiar voice.

"Castle! That's Finn Rourke. What the hell is he doing here?"

"Running a pub. What else?"

Kate just glared at her husband and slid her hand to the butt of her pistol. Simone, noticing this, loosened her Glock in its holster.

"G'day to ye, sor. Declan Niall O'Ryan, yer servant, sir."

Rourke shook his hand. "Welcome, and yer friends are….?"

"I'm Rollo bear."

"Mr. O'Bear? And a foine Irish name ye have."

"I'm Harvey."

"A harper, ye say? Oi loves the sound o' the Irish harp, lad. Come in an' have a wee drop."

Roy held out his paw.

"An Irish wolfhound. Welcome, welcome."

"I'm Kate Beckett, and this is Katie Beckett." Kate motioned to the woman floating beside her.

"P'rhaps yer sister has had a wee bit too much already?" Rourke said.

"Richard Castle."

"Mr. Cashel. Wi' a name like that, ye'll be from Tipperary, no doubt. Ah, but Cashel's a lovely town, lovely."

Simone batted her eyes at Rourke. "Simone Renoir, ma cher."

"Magnifique, mademoiselle." He replied.

They went into the pub and sat at a large table near the fire. Although the fire was quite large, it seemed to be wafting cool air towards them. A table full of old ladies were in the back, seemingly gossiping about the local townsfolk. Two elderly men sat playing chess while a young man flirted with the barmaid. The barmaid ignored his honeyed words to his face, but when she turned away from him, she smiled.

"What can I get for you?" She asked when she got to their table.

"A bottle of your very best Irish whiskey." Declan said.

"Sounds about right." Rollo said. "The same for me."

"That sounds lovely." Harvey said.

Roy nodded and wagged his tail.

"Do you have any WD 40 oil?" Ann asked.

"We have the forty year old only, I'm afraid." The barmaid replied.

"That'll do."

She turned to Rick, Kate, Simone and Katie." And for you?"

"A bottle will be fine." Simone said, determined not to let the Russians look bad in front of a bunch of Irishmen. "My sister and her husband will have a bottle as well. I'm afraid Katie is in no shape to drink."

"Could we have something to eat as well?" Rick quickly asked.

"Loaded potato skins, chili lime cashews, garlic fries, sliders, nachos, chicken wings, Scotch eggs, mini pizza, tacos…."

"Sounds fine." Said Rollo, starting to drool. "Just bring 'em."

Much later that night, they all went upstairs to the bedrooms in the pub. Surprisingly, Rick, Kate and Simone only had a mild buzz on and didn't feel at all full, in spite of all the food they had eaten.

"I could get used to this magic." Castle said, as he pulled Kate to him in the bed.

"Then, I'd better show you some real magic."

Kate took off her boots, then unbuttoned her shirt and threw it over the back of a chair. She smiled at Castle. "So, are you just going to stand there, or do I have to undress you, too?"

Castle shook his head to clear it. "No, you go right ahead." He kicked off his shoes and took off his shoes shirt and tee shirt. Then he undid his pants and pushed them, and his boxers down. He caught his socks with his thumbs and pushed everything onto the floor. When he looked up, Kate was standing there, naked.

"Wow. You are incredibly gorgeous. Remarkable, as I've said."

"On the other hand, there are an infinite number of mes out there someplace."

He quickly shook his head. "No. There's only one you. There may be a gazillion Kate Becketts out there, and I may love them in some fashion, but there's only one you. And one you is all I'll ever need or want."

"You do say the sweetest things. "She walked to him and reached out to grab his erection. "Now what should I do with this?" She teased.

"I can think of a million things…." Castle stopped as Kate dropped to her knees in front of him. "And that's one of them." He managed to get out as she took him fully into her mouth. He gently rested his hands on her head, not to pull her further in, but so that he could maintain his balance and sanity as he felt her lips and tongue slide over him.

"Kate, I think we should….." he began.

"I agree." She said, rising and moving to the bed. She lay on her back and spread her legs as widely as she could.

Rick moved between her thighs then lay down on the bed, with his head resting on her stomach. He lifted himself up and moved down a bit, then blew softly on her slit. "Now what should I do with this?"

"You could write something about Nikki and Rook while examining me." She suggested, slyly.

"Maybe an entirely new character." He said thoughtfully, as he ran his tongue over her clit.

"Somebody magic?" She moaned.

"Nikki's magic all right."

"And I'm Nikki." She reached for his head, gently pulling him down. As he ran his tongue from her clit and then down, Kate moaned again. He slid one finger inside of her as far as it would go and then slowly pulled it almost all the way out. Then in again and slowly out again.

"Castle, not the finger. That's not what I want."

"Two fingers?" He teased, pushing two fingers into her, leaving them there while he played with her clit with his thumb.

"I want you in me, fucking me and I want it right now, or you'll see some magic you won't like."

Castle moved quickly up her body. "Something like this?"

"Except there's nothing inside me. Do I have to…."

She groaned as he entered her. "Better?"

"Much better."

Suddenly Castle found himself on his back, with Kate astride. She pushed herself down as far as she could, taking all of him inside of her. She shook her hair out, which made her boobs bounce entrancingly.

"You just let me do all the work, so you don't get distracted. Why don't you play with my boobs?"

She leaned down and Castle reached up, bouncing her boobs up and down with his hands. Then he pushed them together, and then let them drop. Before Kate could complain, he grabbed her stiff nipples, and tweaked them oh so gently.

Even though she was riding him, he managed to pull her down so he could take one boob into his mouth while stroking the other. Then he switched.

"Kate, I think I'm about to…"

"Yeah, me too."

She pushed herself down onto him and swiveled her hips.

"Oh, my god…."

She felt him explode inside of her just as she climaxed. She collapsed on him.

"A gazillion Kates couldn't take your place."

She kissed him. "I love you, Mr. Beckett."

"Back at you, Mrs. Castle."

The next morning they all set out again on the Orange Brick Road.

"We're not too far from the palace now." Declan said cheerfully.

"How do we get to see the wizard once we're there?" Castle asked. "Do we need to make an appointment? Maybe fill out some paperwork? What?"

"We just walk in an' ask ta see the wizard, boyo. The wizard always has toime fer people in need."

"Just keep telling yourself that, Irish." Said a voice from behind them.

They turned around to face a man in a double breasted, three piece suit, wearing a trench coat with a fedora pulled down low over his eyes. "And who might ye be to be tellin' us things?"

"I'm Sam Spade, private investigator." The man lisped slightly.


	8. Chapter 8

Follow the Orange Brick Road

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.

"You….You….You're him?' Castle gasped.

"It seems to me that I just said something like that. You hard of hearing, pal?"

Castle shook his head.

"What can we do for you, Mister Spade?" Kate asked.

Sam pushed his hat up to get a good look at Kate. "You're a nice looking dame and you have great pins. How about you and I go cut a rug? The Palladium has a new band. Really hot, I hear."

Kate shook her head. "This is my husband, Rick. And he suits me right down to the ground."

Spade raised an eyebrow, "Rick? Say, is he the jamoke who owns Rick's Café Americain?"

"No, that's another Rick entirely."

"You didn't answer her question?" Rick spoke up. "What do you want?"

Spade smiled. "You dropped a box of tools on a gunsel by the name of 3UK a while back. His partner didn't take kindly to that."

"Wait a minute." Castle interrupted. "Gunsel is a slang term for a gay prostitute not a gunman, no matter what you may have thought it meant in _The Maltese Falcon_. That was just Dashiell Hammett's way of putting one over on his book editor."

"My husband knows all about book editors and getting the better of them."

"Your point being, pal?" Spade said with a smile.

Rick blushed slightly.

"Look, the problems of two little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy, mixed up world, but…."

"Just what do you want, Mr. Spade?" Kate asked, getting a bit peeved.

Spade reached inside his coat. "I have me a .44 magnum magic wand here."

"The most powerful magic wand in the word?" Castle asked. "It would blow your head clean off?"

Spade nodded slowly. "You're good. You're really, really good."

"So you'll help protect us from 3UK's partner?" Declan asked.

"We don't need any help." Rollo said, slamming one bear sized fist into his palm.

Spade drew his magic wand. "Go ahead, make my day."

"That's enough!" Kate said, stepping between Kate and Rollo. "How much, Mr. Spade."

"Twenty gold pieces a day, plus expenses."

"Pay the man, Declan."

Declan grumbled but paid Spade forty gold pieces up front.

They resumed their march, but as they walked on, they noticed that the skies were getting darker and the wind was rising.

"That's odd." Said Declan. "The weather aboot the palace is usually excellent."

"I've never written anything _exactly_ like this." Castle said.

"But if you had, something bad would be about to happen." Kate finished for him.

"Are you ready to die?" Screamed a voice from the woods by the road. A figure dressed all in white stepped out into the road ahead of them.

"Crap. It's Kelly Neiman." Rick muttered.

"Feeling lucky, punk?" Spade yelled, pulling out his .44 magnum magic wand. A burst of light flashed from the wand and a purple haze settled over Neiman. Castle found himself humming _All Along the Watchtower._

Neiman smiled at Spade, then shrugged. The purple haze vanished and Spade's stiff wand went limp.

"Typical man." Neiman laughed.

"Try this." Kate pulled out the submachine she'd picked up at the Wicked Witch of the West's gingerbread house and fired a whole clip into Neiman. With no affect.

"Is that all you've got?" She said.

"Excuse me, but can I try?" Harvey asked, deferentially.

The woman in white laughed again. "An attack rabbit? Sure. Why not?"

Harvey reached into his satchel and drew a colorful pistol of some sort, walked towards Neiman and opened fire. The woman screamed and began to melt. Harvey kept firing and Neiman kept melting. Finally, she was gone.

"What kind of a weapon is that?" Rick, Kate and Simone asked at once.

"A Super Soaker 5000." Harvey said proudly. "I bought it online at for twelve gold pieces back at the pub. It was delivered by a giant eagle just before we left."

"Just the thing for getting rid of witches." Rollo said.

"I was going to fill it with whiskey and shoot it in my mouth, but I wanted to make sure it worked first."

"Keep it loaded with water." Rollo advised. "Just in case."

They came over a small rise and suddenly saw the palace before them. It was all in pastel shades, with tall, slender towers, blocky high rises and a river running past it.

"Wow. Nice place." Castle said.

"Ye wouldn't be expectin' the wizard to live in some dump, would ye?"

The palace was large and it took them over an hour to walk to the front gate. A large, bearded man stood by the gate. "Name and business?" He asked.

"Declan Niall O'Ryan and me friends." Declan introduced them all. "An' we need to be getting' puir Katie to see the wizard. She's hurt somethin' awful."

The gate keeper nodded. "Go right on in, but Red Princess is not happy and the Queen of Hearts is in a snit."

"We'll be careful." Declan said.

Declan led the way and seemed to know where he was going, leading them through hallways, libraries, vast dining rooms, and ballrooms until he suddenly stopped at a large landing with two staircases on either side.

"By Jayzus! I hear her. It's herself."

Harvey pointed his large ears towards one staircase. "I think I hear something as well."

"Maybe we should leave and try another day?" Rollo suggested.

"Fee, fie, foe, fum. I smell the blood of an Englishman." They heard very softly, as from a distance.

"Fee, fie, foe, fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman." The voice was coming closer.

"FEE, FIE, FOE, FUM! I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISHMAN."

Suddenly, there before them was a slender redheaded girl that Rick, Kate and Simone recognized at once.

"Alexis?" Castle gasped.

The redhead snapped her head around on hearing her name. "Who are you, to call me by my name and not by my title?"

"Title?" Castle was a bit confused.

"I am the Red Princess, dolt! Everyone knows who I am and everyone calls me by my title and _not_ by my name, you oaf."

"But, Alexis….." He got no further. Alexis was suddenly in front of him, lifting him off the ground with one finger.

"You will call me Red Princess, or I'll turn you into a frog." She screamed.

"Anything, Pumpkin." Castle babbled.

Castle suddenly found himself ten feet in the air. "What did you call me? Did you call me Pumpkin? Are you _trying_ to get turned into a frog, moron?"

"Um, Your Highness, that is, Red Princess." Rollo said." I believe our friend is unfamiliar with the…unfortunate incident with the pumpkin."

"Unfortunate incident? How dare you call what happened to me an "unfortunate incident"? I get all dressed up to got to Prince Charming's ball, hoping for a little action. I even magicked up a coach made out of a pumpkin, and some mice for attendants and a few feral cats I turned into horses, and what happens? Prince Charmless spends all of his time with some blonde bimbo who's magicked nothing but her chest. So, I leave and I'm halfway home and the damned warranty on my magic spell expires. I'm left sitting in the middle of the road with my head sticking out of a pumpkin and some damned cats licking my face. The news media was all over it. It'll be online forever."

"A tragedy, to be sure, Red Princess, but…"

Rollo got no further before the Red Princess began screaming. "Turning him into a frog is too good for him. I'll turn him into a rat. And arthritic rat, and I'll gather hungry feral cats from all over the Kingdom, then I'll…"

"You'll do no such thing." Said a familiar voice.

"Mother!" Cried the Red Princess, stamping her foot.

Declan bowed low. "Your Majesty." The rest bowed as best they could.

"What seems to be the problem here?"

Declan spoke. "We have come many a mile to ask the wizard to help us wi' puir Katie here. She's a might bit oonder the weather, so ta speak."

The Queen of Hearts ran her gaze over the assembled group. "How odd." She said, walking over to stand in front of Kate. "This appears to be me." She then gazed down at Katie. "As does this one."

Indeed, all three women were identical, other than the Queen of Hearts having darker hair than the Kate or Katie.

"Declan Niall O'Ryan." The Queen said, her eyes narrowing. "I hadn't expected to see you around here again."

Declan gulped. "Oi paid me debt to society, Your Highness. Tis a free man I am now."

However, the Queen's eye was now focused on Rick. "And this one looks like my husband."

The Red Princess shrieked. "He does not! He looks nothing like my poppa. Nothing!"

"Don't be too sure." The Queen said, making a magic sign with one hand. Instantly, Rick had a beard that went down to his belt and a wild mane of unruly hair.

"Hey! I don't do beards."

The Queen shrugged, and beard and hair disappeared. "Better?" She asked, then turned to Declan. "Explain how you came to be here with these people. And remember, you cannot lie to me."

Declan blushed, but began. "Oi was runnin' a still wi' me pal, Rollo, when yon Katie appears in a blue flash. She sees us an' yells that we should run as there's bad folks comin' fer her. Naturally, I…" Declan suddenly couldn't talk.

Rollo took over. "Declan hid behind some trees, but we bears being made of sterner stuff, I stood right by Kate. She told me she came from another world. Not a world such as the astrologers know, Hermes, Aphrodite, Jove and the rest, but an alternate Earth, much like our own Earth in many ways, but very different in others. We talked for half an hour and we believed that whoever was chasing her had lost her trail. Declan came out of hiding…."

"I weren't hiding, ye furry….." Declan made a strangling sound and said no more. The Queen glared at him.

"I told Katie that she'd be safe in our world and that Declan and I would see to it that nothing would happen to her. Declan did not contradict me, so by our laws, he agreed."

"How did she become injured then?" The Queen asked.

"We were about to head for Declan's wee cottage when there was another flash of blue light and two men, armed with very odd weapons attacked us. They used no magic, it seems, but propelled a lead slug at great speed, injuring poor Katie, but just a bit. Declan used his shillelagh on them and turned them into owls. They flew off."

"Oi meant to turn them into bluidy pigeons." Declan managed.

Rollo continued. "Katie had a wrist band which she said could take her to many Earths. She said that a man named Richard Castle could help her. She made some adjustment to the band and was about to leave when another two villains arrived in a flash of blue. They shot poor Katie badly. I grabbed Declan and had him hold her hand so as to have company. She disappeared, along with Declan."

The Queen turned to Rick. "So your name is Richard Castle as well?"

"Yes. Um, as well as who?"

"My husband, of course."

"The guy with the beard?"

"Yes." The Queen said quickly. She turned back to Declan. "So, how did they come here to this Earth?"

Declan described how he'd arrived outside the Castle's loft mere seconds before a banshee and told of how he'd brought everyone back to his own world and described how they had picked up new members of their group as they went.

"A world with no magic?" The Queen said, wonderingly. "How odd." She looked thoughtful. "Do you suppose they could help with my husband with this science of theirs?"

"Does he need a barber?" Castle asked, getting a nasty glare from the Queen.

"Nothing so simple. My husband was pricked in the finger with a magic quill pen some seven years ago and fell asleep. He has not woken in all that time. I have had every magician, mage, wizard, wise woman, sorcerer, and thaumaturge in the land and no one can help."


	9. Chapter 9

Follow the Orange Brick Road

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.

"I don't think even House could help with being knocked out by pricking your finger on a magic quill pen." Castle said. Then he thought of something. "Have you tried kissing him?"

"Gag me with a spoon! Ewwww!" Cried the Red Princess, making retching sounds. "Daddy hasn't brushed his teeth in seven years. Gross!"

"Do you think that'd help?" The Queen asked.

"You are the Queen of Hearts." Castle said, but quickly added. "But you might want to use some mouthwash or something on him first."

"Oi suggests ye wash his mouth wi' some foine Irish whiskey, Your Majesty."

"I'll try anything, I suppose." The Queen headed for her husband's sleeping chamber with her daughter, the Red Princess, and all the rest following her.

Richard was laying on a massive bed, covered by a silk sheet and was snoring loudly. Rick noticed that his beard appeared to be even shaggier than the one the Queen had temporarily given him.

"No change, Your Majesty." Said a palace guard, standing in the shadows.

"P'rhaps a wee bit of the creature now?" Declan said, holding out a flask.

"Or you could have some of mine." Harvey said.

"A little of the hair of the dog?" Roy asked.

"I have some here on the nightstand by my husband." The Queen picked up the decanter and swabbed Richard's mouth with it. Then she leaned in and gave him a kiss that should have aroused the dead. Nothing happened.

"It was worth a try." She said, sadly.

"Wait a minute." Castle said quickly. "We're missing something. We have the beautiful queen, the kiss….We need some magic words. What should we use…..Queen…..Kiss….Magic." Suddenly he smiled. "I know. Get ready to kiss him again when I start singing."

"When you sing?" The Queen asked, a bit confused. But Castle had already begun.

"Is this the real life?  
"Is this just fantasy?  
"Caught in a landslide  
"No escape from reality  
"Open your eyes  
"Look up to the skies and see  
"I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy  
"Because I'm easy come, easy go  
"A little high, little low  
"Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me."

As Castle sang, the Queen gave Richard the most passionate and loving kiss she could deliver, and could she deliver. Then, as Castle continued to sing, Richard's arms began to move. Kate, forgetting about her stage fright, began to sing with Rick.

"So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye  
"So you think you can love me and leave me to die  
"Oh baby can't do this to me baby  
"Just gotta get out just gotta get right outta here."

"Ooh yeah, ooh yeah, "Nothing really matters,

"Anyone can see,

"Nothing really matters, nothing really matters to me,

"Anyway the wind blows."

Richard flipped the Queen over on her back and began to kiss back.

"Daddy!" Screamed the Red Princess. "You're awake!"

He stopped and looked around him. "Awake? Of course I'm awake. I just…."His hands went to his beard and shaggy hair. "Maybe I was asleep for longer than just a nap."

"Everybody out." The Queen ordered. "My husband and I are going to bathe and then I'll shave him and then….We'll do other things. Out. But, stay nearby. You need to be rewarded for this."

They were wined and dined in the palace for two days before they saw the newly crowned King and Queen again. The Queen looked a bit tired and sore, but happy. The freshly shaven and shorn King looked happy and content, and very wide awake.

"You have brought my husband back to me. Ask for anything you want and I shall grant it."

Before any of the others could speak, Kate answered the Queen. "We need to see the wizard to get him to fix Katie here." She pointed to the woman who still floated in the air among them.

"Of course. We'll take you to the wizard and have him drop everything to do as you wish." She turned to her husband and her daughter. "Both of you come with me."

"So, Alexis is your daughter?" Castle asked as they walked through the luxurious corridors of the palace. Everywhere there were rich carpets on the floors, paintings and murals on the walls, and great crystal chandeliers above them. The corridors were filled with uniformed flunkeys, who prostrated themselves when seeing the King, Queen and Princess, and colorfully dressed members of the nobility who bowed as royalty passed.

"Of course. Oh, it took a bit of magic to get her just the way we wanted, but she's lovely, is she not?"

Castle decided not to mention that she had wanted to turn him into a frog.

At last they came to a great, green room which opened onto the gardens of the palace. At one end was large desk with a bookcase behind it. A man was seated at the desk, but was faced away from them, looking through the books.

"Should we look for the man behind the curtain?" Rick asked.

"There is no man behind a curtain." The Queen of Hearts said, somewhat confused by the reference.

"Wrong wizard, I guess."

As they walked towards the wizard, the Queen spoke. "Wizard, we need your services."

The wizard turned in his chair. As soon as he saw his visitors, he smiled. "Kit Kat, is that you?"

"Rogan? Rogan O'Leary? You're the wizard?"

"In the flesh. Now, what can I do for you?"

"I need Katie here to be made well."

"Sure, no problem, but I'll need a favor from you."

"Wizard!" Said the Queen sternly. "You will do what the lady asks and do it now."

"Oh, I see. Okay, maybe you can do me that favor later, Kit Kat. And, hey, I see you brought Man Parts with you."

"He's my husband." Kate leaned forward so she could whisper in Rogan's ear. "And I will do you a favor. I won't have my good friend, Rollo the bear, tear your arms off and beat you to death with them."

"No need to get grumpy, Kit Kat." He turned back to the bookcase. "Let me just get out the old book of magic spells and….." Rogan pulled out a book and read it. "Got it. Now if you'll step out of the way? I've got magic to do."

As they stepped back, Rogan knelt by Katie and whispered a magic spell. Instantly, she opened her eyes and raised her head. "Where am I?"

Declan stepped forward. "Yer wi' us, Katie. Me an' Rollo saved you."

"With some help from some others." Rollo added.

"God, I'm starving." She tried to stand up, but fell back. "And my muscles are sore and have lost their tone."

"I'll have the Royal Chefs make some food to make you feel better." Said the Queen. She motioned to a uniformed footman and gave him orders.

"How did you ever get here, Rogan?" Kate asked. "And what ever happened to Tildy?"

"Tildy?" Rogan actually blushed. "We didn't see eye to eye on some things."

"So, how much did you steal from her?"

"Kit Kat. I'd never steal from the woman I love."

"And that's me." The Red Princess said, walking up to Rogan and kissing him.

"You're with her?" Kate asked, disbelievingly.

Rogan nodded. "I was out in the woods in upstate New York when Red here rode up on a unicorn. She said it was love at first sight for her." He quickly caught himself. "For me, too, of course. She told me to get up behind her and we'd leave."

"There was some awful monster coming." Red said, kissing Rogan again. "It was black and white, made an awful howling sound and shot colored lights all over. It was horrible."

"Imagine a monster like that chasing Rogan."

The Red Princess apparently didn't catch the sarcasm in Kate's voice.

They were interrupted by Sam Spade. "Sorry, folks, but I need to be going. My girl Friday, Effie, just called me on the old Ameche. I've got a client back in the City. Some dame wants me to find a jeweled bird."

"It's not the Maltese Falcon, is it?" Rick asked.

Sam checked his notebook. "No, it says here that it's called the Algerian Penguin."

"Is the dame named Brigid O'Shaughnessy?"

Sam again checks his notebook. "No, she's named Helga von Wittenberg."

Rick held out his hand. "Here's looking at you, Sam."

Sam laughed and shook Rick's hand. "You're good. You're really, really good."

"And be careful with the dames."

"I never met a dame yet that didn't understand a slap in the kisser or a slug from a .45."

"Woody Allen?" Rick said, surprised.

"Who?"

"Never mind, Sam. See you around."

As Sam walked away he was suddenly surrounded by fog and Rick heard _La Marseilles_ playing softly.

"Magic." Kate whispered in his ear.

It took another day for Katie to be well enough to talk to her new friends. She sat on a couch with a blanket over her with Rick, Kate, Simone, Declan, Rollo, Harvey, Roy, Ann, and the King and Queen sitting on chairs around her.

Castle suspected that Rogan was off doing something with Alexis, the Red Princess, that he wouldn't like, but since she wasn't his Alexis, he didn't see that he could do anything except pray that a giant eagle would swoop down and carry Rogan off.

"You all want to know what happened to me and how I got here." Katie began. "I guess it starts with the election of 1936. The election was won by the American Nationalist Party. President Schiller was a huge admirer of Adolf Hitler and the Nazis. Anyway, there was no election in 1940 since Schiller had set up his dictatorship by then. Schiller died in 1973, but the Nationalist Party stayed in power."

"They were still in power when you, um, left?" Rick asked.

"No. When I was nineteen, a man by the name of William Bracken overthrew the Nationalists in a coup and promised to restore the old constitution as soon as the last of the Nationalists were rooted out and things were back to normal. I joined the Constabulary when I was nineteen." Seeing the blank looks, she explained. "All of the state and local police were made a part of the Federal government. They were called the Constabulary. I rose quickly through the ranks and was eventually assigned to the Internal Security Department. We were looking for traitors and Nationalist hold outs."

Kate suddenly smiled and looked at the ceiling. "Then I met Rick Castle. He wanted to write a book about an IS agent and he chose me as his muse. Before we knew it, we were lovers. And then things changed. Rick started showing me that Bracken wasn't doing things that would bring back the old constitution, but was consolidating his personal power. He intended to rule just as the Nationalists had. We fought about this, but eventually I had to admit he was right. But neither of us had any idea what to do about it."

"Then something awful happened. We raided a meeting of a dissident cell, four people. Three of them were captured but one got away, the cell leader. But I recognized her. It was my mother. She was safe, for the time being since the three other cell members didn't know who she really was, just her code name and had never even seen her face."

"As soon as I could, I talked to my mother. She told me that three associates of hers had been arrested by IS. They were convinced one of them was the cell leader. They executed all three. My mother was very afraid. She told me that if she was caught, both I and my father would be executed as a warning to others. Three days later she killed herself. My dad didn't approve of her dissident activities and had started drinking heavily before she killed herself. After she died, he fell apart. He walked out of a bar in Manhattan at 2 AM in December, was too drunk to get home and froze to death."


	10. Chapter 10

Follow the Orange Brick Road

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.

Katie began to cry. Rollo offered her a large handkerchief. She went on. "I broke up with Rick. He deserved better than me, much better than a woman who'd gotten her own parents killed. But something happened. I was assigned to a special project. We had gotten, somehow, I don't know exactly how, a wrist band that would take the wearer, and anyone touching the wearer, to alternate Earths. I was part of the team that raided you in the Alternate Singapore. I shot the hostage so that someone would kill me. Suicide by cop, they call it. Except I expected to be shot by a soldier. But another Rick Castle came through the door. I waited for you to kill me, feeling that I deserved to be killed by the man I loved, or rather by an alternate of the man I loved. But, you didn't kill me. You couldn't. That was an epiphany for me. I felt that I had been given my life back for some purpose, I just had to figure out what that purpose was. I followed you to the Great Library and saved your life." **(Again, See I, Spy for details.)**

"What were you doing there, anyway?" Rick asked.

"Keeping an eye on you. Rick Castles seem to be loved by Kate Becketts everywhere. And vice versa. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know if that could help me somehow."

"Did it?"

She nodded. "I deserted with one of the wristbands and an instruction book. I found an alternate Earth where there was no intelligent life and studied the book and experimented with the wristband. Then I saw a flash of blue light near me and had to run. I was afraid it was a team from IS sent to kill me."

"And then we met Katie." Declan said proudly. "Ah, she's a bonnie lassie."

"I went to this Earth. For some reason it's very hard to get to from other Earths, but I made it. I met Declan and Rollo and we became friends. But another IS team found me and attacked. Declan managed to turn them into field mice and I used their wristband to send the mice back to IS. But there was another team out there. Before Declan could do anything, I was wounded. I knew which Earth you and Kate and Simone were on, so I grabbed Declan and left, hoping I could get medical help on your Earth. Rollo led the IS team to the cave of a local dragon."

Rollo nodded. "Freddy Dragon, a lovely fellow. We like to have barbecues using his flames. He took care of the IS fellows. Then I waited for Declan and Katie to come back. However, it seems that the IS folks had gotten a banshee to follow you. You all know the rest."

"What are you going to do now?" The Queen asked.

"I don't know. I just don't know." Katie began silently weeping again.

"Do you still love your Rick Castle?" Kate asked.

"Of course. I'll never stop loving him."

"Then we should go find your Rick and get you two together."

Katie just shook her head. "How could a man like that love someone as broken as I am?"

"It's easy." Rick answered.

Katie's transfer device could not only return Rick, Kate and Simone to their own Earth, but she could put them anyplace on that Earth. The problem came when Declan, Rollo, Harvey, Roy and Ann all wanted to go with Katie to make sure nothing bad happened to her.

"Guys, I'm not sure that you'd fit in on our Earth. You'd stand out. And I mean really stand out." Rick explained as diplomatically as he could.

"There aren't any bears on your Earth? Or bunnies, excuse me, hares, or dogs, or even lovely steel ladies?" Rollo asked.

"Yeah, but they aren't intelligent. They're animals. People would call the cops. And we don't have any intelligent machines yet. At least none that look like Ann."

"Their loss entirely, I'm sure." Ann said, pushing out her steel boobs.

"We'll just stay out of sight, then." Rollo concluded. "We're not letting our friend Katie get herself in any more trouble."

"We could set her transfer device to take us to the house in the Hamptons." Kate said. "It's winter time, so not many people will be around. We can plan how to get Rick and Katie together there, then head for Katie's home Earth, take them back to the Hamptons and then get them both someplace safe."

Rick wasn't at all sure about that, but he was over ruled by the enthusiastic reception of Kate's idea by everyone else.

And so they all appeared in Rick's Hampton's home late one night. Rick immediately checked the house to make sure it was his place and didn't belong to some other Rick Castle. However, his summer clothes were there, along with Kate's as well as photos of their marriage.

"I'm going to call Alexis and see how everything is."

The phone rang twice before Alexis picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hi, Pumpkin. How's everything?"

"Daddy!" She screamed. "Where are you? We've been worried sick."

"Worried?"

"Yes. When I got home our security door was smashed in and you and Kate and Simone were gone. What happened? Where are you? Are you all right?"

Rick thought fast. "Um, I was doing a little research for the next Nikki Heat on how to break in a door and it got a little out of hand. Then we got a call from a friend who needed out help and I guess I forget to leave a message for you and my mother."

Rick heard Martha's voice in the background. "Is that your father? Let me speak to him."

"Richard? Is that you? What do you mean running off with no word to us? And leaving a mess behind. Alexis and I had to stay at the Four Seasons until the door was fixed. Which you'll be paying for, by the way."

Kate took the phone from Rick. "Martha? How are you?"

"Katherine? I'm much better now that I know that the responsible member of the family is around. What has Richard gotten himself into this time?"

Kate hated lying to Martha, but really couldn't explain what was happening without it sounding like she'd gone further off the deep end than Rick ever had. "We really can't tell you what happened, but we just needed to help a friend out on something that had to be done low key. We'll be back in a couple of days."

"Oh, dear. It isn't Jackson Hunt again, is it? I've never trusted that man since I found out what he is."

"No, Martha. Please don't be worried about us. We're fine. I have to go now. We love you."

"Love you, Mother." Rick called.

Kate hung up and turned to the others. "Okay, now we really have to get going. I promised Martha we'd be done in a couple of days."

The next night, on a different Earth, a large truck pulled up in front of the building where author Richard Castle lived. Inside, everyone prepared to reunite another Rick and Kate.

Inside the building, Eduardo, the doorman sat behind his desk in the lobby. He decided that life was good. His job was easy and the wealthy residents of his building were generous with tips and gifts. He also got a small monthly stipend from the IS for keeping an eye out. Personally, he liked Mr. Castle, but he made too many jokes about President Bracken for Eduardo's taste. That could get a man, even a man like Rick Castle, in deep trouble. He had always liked that nice Agent Beckett and was surprised when she had gone rogue. He doubted she'd ever show up here again, but if she ever did, he'd be in line for a hefty chunk of the reward offered for her.

When he heard the door opening, he looked up and saw three Katie Becketts walking in, all dressed identically. All three had their long hair covering part of their faces so that Eduardo wouldn't notice that Simone only closely resembled the two Kates.

"Hi, Eduardo. I'm going up to see Rick." They said in perfect unison.

As Eduardo reached for his phone, a very large and very furry paw grabbed his hand.

"I wouldn't do that." A bear, dressed in a conservative business suit growled.

The phone was taken by a metal female robot of some sort, dressed in a pencil skirt, blouse and a trench coat. "Let me take that for you." She said, crushing the phone with one hand.

Completing the trio was a tall, white rabbit dressed like something out of _Reservoir Dogs_. Harvey had spent some time watching gangster movies back at Rick's to get in the mood. He giggled. "Big man. Big man. Look at me, ma. Top of the word. Top of the world. You can dish it out, but you can't take it. Mother of God! Is this the end of Eduardo? I'll make you an offer you can't refuse. I came into this world kicking and screaming, covered in someone else's blood. I have no trouble leaving the same way. It's not personal, it's strictly business. Say hello to my little friend. Leave the gun. Take the canoli. I love you, Pumpkin. I love you, Honey Bunny. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men."

By that time, Eduardo was crying.


	11. Chapter 11

Follow the Orange Brick Road

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.

Meanwhile, Roy and Declan were in the truck, arguing.

"Oi should be drivin'. Oi'm the oldest."

"Not in dog years. Besides, your feet won't reach the pedals."

"If this bluidy world had magic, Oi wouldn't need to reach 'em."

"So? If the world had magic, we'd just magic the other Rick out and we'd be gone."

"Oi still thinks Oi should drive."

"Okay." Roy moved out of the driver's seat. "You drive."

"How am Oi gonna drive when me feet won't reach yon pedals?"

"Exactly." Roy said with a smile, moving back into the driver's seat.

As the two continued arguing, Katie knocked nervously on Rick's door. As soon as Rick opened the door, she threw her arms around him and kissed him as passionately as she could.

"Rick, I love you. Do you love me?"

"Always." Then Rick caught sight of two other Kates and one of him standing in the doorway. "Katie, who are these people?"

The three came into the loft and closed the door behind them. "You're going to love this story, I guarantee it." Rick said and proceeded to tell his alternate self all about alternate universes and what Katie had been doing both in this universe and in others.

Not surprisingly, Rick accepted Rick's story easily. "Alternate universes? How cool is that? Can I write this down? "

"The problem is, "Kate said, "that we have to get you two out of here and back to our Earth where you'll be safe and then to another Earth where you can live together. Can you leave right now?"

"Absolutely. Give me five minutes to gather up some stuff and we're out of here."

"What about Martha?" Kate asked.

"My mother? She passed away two years ago. Heart attack." Rick headed for his office, grabbed his laptop, opened his safe and began emptying it.

"What about Alexis?" Rick asked.

A look of hurt flashed over the other Castle's face. "I haven't seen Alexis since she was sixteen. She prefers to live in glamourous LA with her movie star mother rather than be with her politically suspect dad."

"Meredith is a movie star? This _is_ an alternate universe. In what universe would Meredith ever be a movie star?"

The other Castle laughed bitterly. "Meredith slept with a director who makes propaganda films for the Department of Information. You can be called politically suspect if you don't go to see her movies. Who wants to be visited by the IS? In fact, Alexis was in her last two movies. She's actually not a bad actor, although I hate to think of her making movies glorifying the IS."

Rick saw the other Castle removing money from the safe. "It's a safe bet your cash won't be any good in our universe. Leave it."

"I do have a little something stashed away in case the IS ever came looking for me or Katie." He took a leather bag from the back of the safe and opened it. "I've got diamonds, emeralds, rubies, some sapphires and a particularly large pearl." The pearl was as big as a pigeon's egg and in a plastic box. "Pearls aren't as hard as other gems, so it needs to be protected. I have a couple of million here. Is that enough?"

"Plenty. Now let's get out of here."

Eduardo looked up when the elevator came down and saw the three Becketts and now two Castles leaving. The rabbit leaned over him. "You rat us out, Eduardo, and they'll find your fancy doorman's uniform wrapped around a fish. That'll mean Eduardo sleeps with the fishes. You ever wake up with a horse's head in your bed? Maybe we'll take you for a ride. Fit you out with a cement overcoat. Yeah." The rabbit laughed maniacally and the three left. A few seconds later he saw a blue flash. Then he went to his office to use the landline to call IS.

Commander Tom Demming of the local constabulary precinct looked at the IS officer who hadn't bothered to introduce himself, then he looked at the written report on his desk. "Three Becketts, two Castles, a bear, a robot woman, and a psycho bunny. What the hell has Eduardo been smoking?"

"This isn't funny, Demming."

Demming sighed. "We checked Castle's loft. His laptop is gone, as are some photos and family papers. He also had a couple of million in gems that are gone as well." The IS agent looked like he was going to say something, so Demming spoke quickly. "We tried to get permission to confiscate the gems but he has friends in the Department of Information. They loved his Derrick Storm novels and the new Nikki Ice series. So what should we do about the doorman?"

The IS agent sighed. His bosses were not going to like this. "Put him back where he was. But since no one else in the building is of any particular interest to us, cut his stipend by ninety percent." He got up and walked out of the precinct without another word.

They left the truck behind on the other Earth, and soon found themselves back in the Castles' home in the Hamptons.

"Hey." Rick said, with his arm around Katie protectively. "You still have the place in the Hamptons?"

"Sure. Why wouldn't I?"

"It's just that when I bought the place in Hawaii, I got rid of this place. Do you know it's where they shot Magnum, IS?"

"Was it any good?" Kate asked, somewhat distastefully.

"No. But the guys in IS loved it, so it ran forever."

"Babe," Kate said to her husband, "we have to find these two an Earth to live on. Pronto."

Less than six hours later, the two were back with smiles on their faces.

"Bingo." Announced Rick. "We got lucky on the first place we looked. A planet a lot like ours, but Bracken was a City Councilman after turning in two rogue cops who were kidnapping mobsters. And there's no Rick Castle or Kate Beckett."

"No Caskett?" Simone said. "I always find that sad."

"Then look at this." Kate held out two books. Simone took them and frowned.

" _Murder and the Duke_ and _Murder and the Archbishop_? So?"

"Look at the authors on the back cover." Rick said with a smile.

Simone turned the book over. "Richard Beckett and Katherine Castle?"

"Right. Johanna and Jim Beckett had a baby boy named Rick and Martha Rodgers, who uses the stage name Castle, had a little girl. According to the Wikipedia article on them, they're married and Mrs. Beckett, in addition to writing, does volunteer work at many hospitals in the San Francisco Bay Area, having graduated from Stanford Medical School."

Kate continued. "They write historical murder mysteries. These two are set in Renaissance Italy, another series is set in the early Roman Empire, there's a series set in the Southern back country during the American Revolution and one set in Shakespeare's London. The heroes of the stories are all lady doctors."

Rick took over again. "There's a guy that I knew there and here, although he doesn't know me there, and I got you absolutely perfect documents as Rick and Kate Castle." Rick walked to the kitchen and pulled out a leather case. "And I got you these. They're DVDs of every book several Rick Castles have written. Mostly it's Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook, with some Derrick Storm books, and even some written by an author named Kate Beckett about the detective she's shadowing, one Rick Castle. I know you're a talented author, after all, you're me, but no one is going to want to read a book about a tough, kick ass Internal Security agent. This'll give you a head start."

Rick put his arm around Katie. "I guess we should get going. Ready, Mrs. Castle?"

"Always."

Rick and Katie had been gone for two days. Rick was cooking a going away dinner for Simone who was going back to New Orleans. There was a knock on the door.

"Kate, can you get that? I'm busy."

Kate put down the book she was reading, _Murder and the Archbishop_ , and went to the door.

She opened it and took a quick step backwards. "Oh, no!"

The End…?

 **Author's note: I'm still working on Captain Kate and the Sorceress. I have about 14,000 words done. However, up next will be three more conventional After….stories: After Flowers for Your Grave; After to Love and Die in LA; and After Always.**

 **UCSBdad**


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